Spring Break was over.  Ellie had said goodbye to Cameron again, this time with a kiss.  Ellie thought Cameron was a sweet guy and she couldn’t believe he wanted to be with her knowing about Aidan.  Ellie had accepted that she would be lonely for awhile; she expected it from the first time she knew for sure she was pregnant.  She sure didn’t expect to find someone while in labor but life is strange that way. 

Ellie had been surprised that Tucker decided to stay, but not as surprised as Ava who was still trying to fight her feelings for him.  But having him so close and having to take Seth to Tucker’s apartment for visits were wearing her down.  Every minute they are alone he breaks another piece of the wall she has built against him.  Like now with Seth sleeping on the couch and Tucker saying all the right things, Ava just wants to bury herself in him and forget everything else.  But the wall isn’t gone yet and she continues the fight, repeating to herself the things he said to her on his porch that night.

Ellie is sitting in her room in the rocking chair her dad had brought down from the attic.  Ellie loves having the chair in her room; it gives her and Aidan some privacy.  As he lay sleeping in her arms she continues to rock staring at his little face.  Perfect little nose, beautiful eyelashes, tiny little hands.  Sometimes Ellie just can’t believe he is hers.  She finds it amazing how much she loves him. 

It is times like this, just the two of them alone in her room, that Ellie tells Aidan all about his father.  She tells him about how they met and how he left.  She makes sure to tell him Sean left before he knew about him.  Ellie knows the sleeping baby in her arms doesn’t know what she was saying but she continues to tell him these things.  She doesn’t want Aidan to ever think he wasn’t wanted.  There are times that Ellie worries that Aidan will grow up to hate her for not finding his father for him.  She pushes those thoughts away and continues to rock.  What would have happened if he was there when I went to Wasaga?  Or if I followed him to Alberta?  Or if the whole Rick thing never happened?  Ellie asks herself.  She doesn’t know about the first two questions and she never will but as bad as the shooting was she knows that Aidan wouldn’t be here today if that horrible day hadn’t happened.  Sean probably wouldn’t have come to her that night.  He would have stayed on the couch and she alone in the bed.  She wouldn’t be holding her son now if Rick hadn’t died because Sean wouldn’t have needed to know he was alive that night.

Ellie pulled herself from the questions and memories of Sean Cameron.  You have Cam now Ellie Nash and he cares about you he cares about Aidan and he gave you the sweetest kisses.  Ellie scolded herself.  But that little voice in Ellie’s head whispers but did his kisses make you forget? 

The answer was no.  As sweet as the kisses were they made her feel nothing.  Cameron didn’t make her heart rate jump or her legs feel weak.  Not the way Sean did.  As much as she tried, she couldn’t not think of him.  Being with Cameron lessened it but Sean was never completely out of her mind.  She wonders if she will ever forget.  Again the answer is no and she knows it.  Maybe if they didn’t share a child.  But with Aidan, Ellie knows that she will be reminded of Sean everyday of her life.  She will never escape him.