NOTE: Mature themes (i.e. sex) in this chapter. Read at your own discretion. Rating is RS.

Ava’s thoughts were on Tucker.  She couldn’t help but wonder if he was doing well with school.  She wondered about how his year with ball went.  She couldn’t bring herself to watch or read anything about football.  That was unusual for her; she had always kept up with the thing he loved most.  She was always there cheering him on.  But maybe he has someone else there cheering for him now.  God why can’t I just get over him! 

Ellie was deep in thought too.  She was thinking of the night she and Sean were together.  The night that brought her baby, the same baby who was getting restless on this drive and was letting her know by thumping against her ribs. 

******

Ellie woke with a start.  It had been an awful day.  The worst day of her life, along with most people at Degrassi.  It was the day Rick shattered their innocence. 

Ellie realized what had awoken her.  It was Sean.  He was on his knees beside her bed with his face buried in the mattress and his hands gripping her leg just below the knee.

Ellie sat up and touched Sean’s hair.  He turned and looked at her.  She could tell he had been crying.  His eyes were red and his cheeks were still wet.  She reached out to him.  He took her hand in his and lay his cheek on the back of her hand. 

“I’m sorry I woke you up,”  he said after a few minutes.

“It’s okay.  Are you alright?”

“I just couldn’t stay out there another minute.  I need you El.”

“Come here,” she whispered holding her arms open to him and sitting up on her knees on the side of the bed.

He didn’t hesitate.  He wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face, this time in her stomach.  Ellie kissed the top of his head and then his shoulder.  He lifted is head and caught her lips in a deep kiss.  When she kissed him back he stood, not breaking the kiss.  Elle slipped her fingers into the waist of his shorts and pulled him closer.  That was all it took for him.  He climbed into the bed with her, lay her back and covered her body with his.  They continued kissing while his hands searched out every part of her body that would make her moan into his mouth.  Each time he found one of those spots his body tightened in reaction to her. 

Soon Ellie’s red tank top and black boy shorts with white skulls were tossed on top of his gray boxer briefs on the floor.  He hovered over her with his hands tangled in her hair. 

He then stopped the kiss and looked right into her eyes.  Ellie believed at that moment he could see into her soul. 

“Ellie if you want to stop tell me now.  I don’t want to do this if you’re not ready.”

Ellie smiled and said, “Please don’t stop Sean.  I need you too.”

He slid his legs between hers.  “I love you Ellie,” he said just as their bodies joined.

Ellie screamed out in pain.

“Be still El, just be still a minute and your body will get adjusted to me.”

“Okay,” she whispered into his neck.  And she trusted him then just as she always had.

That was the first and last time they shared that bed.  It was later the next day that he told her he loved her but was leaving her.

******

I was there for him but he left me.  I guess I just wasn’t enough, she thought trying to hold back tears.  She didn’t want Ava to see her cry over him.  She didn’t want to appear weak.

“Okay El this is the street,” Ava said breaking Ellie’s thoughts. “Do you see the house?”

“That’s it, the 4^th one on the left,” Ellie said as she saw Sean’s small house come into view.

Ellie suddenly didn’t feel so brave.  She swallowed, willing her stomach not to betray her.  I must be crazy.  I can’t do this., she thought, and then the life inside of her made the biggest flop she had ever felt.  She knew he was probably just reacting to her stress level but then again maybe he knew he was about to hear the voice of his father.  Maybe he was kicking her butt into gear.

“Okay I’ll do it,” she said as much to her son as to herself.

Ava parked in the driveway then turned to face her friend.  “Ellie it is going to be okay.  No matter what he says you will be fine.  I’ll wait here.  If you need me just yell.”

“Thank you Ava.  I know it seems like I’ve been saying that a lot but I really do mean it.”

“You are more than welcome.  Now go on and make Sean’s day!” Ava said smiling.

Ellie walked up the three steps to knock on Sean’s front door.  This was the only time she had ever been on this porch.  The last time she was there she waited in the background for Sean’s return.  After a few minutes she heard someone walking to the door.  She braced herself to see him.  And then the door opened.