Take it back take, it all back now

The things I gave, like the taste of my kiss on your lips,

I miss that now

 

Emma lay in his arms, on her bed, like so many other nights before. It was great having a basement room, it made it easy sneaking him in her room without anyone knowing. He stroked her hair, as they just lay there in silence.

 

“What are we doing?” Emma asked, something that she had been thinking a lot lately.

 

“Well we’re lying here, after having made love,” outlining her lips with his fingertip.

 

“No, I mean with us. How long are we going to keep this up?” knowing that she had began to fall in love with him, something that wasn’t supposed to happen.

 

“Em, I don’t know, I mean I like things the way they are right now.” Thinking that having two girls wasn’t too bad, each gave him what he wanted when he wanted it, he couldn’t complain. It was every boys dream.

 

********************************************************

 

They had begun this secret affair four months ago, when his girlfriend went away for the summer, when they begun spending a lot of time together.

 

One day they were sitting in her bedroom, he had her pinned down so he could tickle her, and out of nowhere, he leaned in and kissed her. Spike came downstairs and almost caught them. It causing a spark through both of their bodies, making them crave it, eventually it led to something more.

 

Emma and Craig were sitting on her bed

 

No one knew about it, it wasn’t supposed to mean anything but just sex, but feelings eventually came into the picture. Emma thought that she could just be with him for comfort, for sex without her feelings coming into it. Now that they had, she wasn’t sure if she was ready to let go, even if meant getting hurt in the end. “Okay, I guess you’re right. But can I ask you one question?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Not knowing why she wanted to know about his and his girlfriend’s relationship, “When you’re with her, does she really give you what you need?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Then why do you keep coming back for more?”

 

That was a good question; I mean he knew if she ever found out, she would be so hurt, especially if she found out who it was. “I don’t know why.”

 

I can't try any harder than I do

All the reasons I gave, excuses I made for you

Are broken in two

 

Manny walked up to Craig the next day at school, looking awfully pissed off, with a look that could kill. “Where were you last night? I tried calling your house until 11pm. I thought you said that you were coming over.”

 

Hitting his forehead, with a panic look on his face, “That was…last night?”

 

Emma overheard this, and decided to intervene, to help him out, “He was at my house babysitting for me. I had a date last night, and since my parents were out themselves we had no other person who could sit for us at the last moment.”

 

Craig had a sign of relief that Emma was able to come up with that story at such a short amount of time. “Yeah, I thought I would offer since she hasn’t had much time to do things just for her. She needed a night out on the town.”

 

Manny had a big smile on her face, putting her arms around Craig’s arm, “Aww, you’re the sweetest.” Looking at Emma, “Don’t I just have the best boyfriend?” Manny didn’t seem to notice the intense looks that were exchanged between Emma and Craig.

 

Putting on a fake smile, and a fake voice, “Yeah, sure do.” Just the thought of them together made Emma want to puke.

 

“Well I have to go meet Paige, I’ll talk to you both later,” leaning in for a kiss before she left.

 

When she was out of sight, Craig grabbed Emma by her arm, and pulled her into the empty classroom across the hall, so that no one would over hear them. There was no way that he wanted to be caught he couldn’t lose Manny.

 

“Thanks Em, I owe you big time for saving me,” he smiled, giving her a hug.

 

“Well I couldn’t let you suffer like that, I mean if she were to find out then she would kill you, and I couldn’t let that happen.”

 

Moving in closer, “Of course not, because then we might not be able to do this,” leaning in to kiss her soft lips, making both of their bodies to tingle.

 

All the things left undiscovered

Leave me empty and left to wonder

I need you

 

I’m sitting on my bed eagerly awaiting the results from my pregnancy test. That’s right, I, Emma Nelson have a chance of being pregnant. That’s not supposed to happen; I mean what would others say once they found out. They would be shocked, to say the least, because people don’t consider that I would be the kind of girl to do that type of thing. Even worse, they would be even more surprised to know that I’m boyfriend-stealer too.

 

The worse thing is it would be Craig’s child, who is my best friend’s boyfriend. I mean what was I thinking when I decided to start this affair with him. I couldn’t have been thinking of her feelings, or what finding out might do to her.

 

I kept a close eye on the clock, and it didn’t feel like any time had really past. When the time was finally up, it took me a little while until I was actually able to open my eyes to look at the results.

 

I slowly brought it closer to look, my heart felt as if it was going to pound out of my chest my hands were shaking. I looked at it, and felt a little faint, “I’m…..pregnant!” That was the biggest shock of all; even I didn’t think that I would follow in my mother’s footsteps.

 

This was going to ruin everything. What was I to do, Craig is with Manny, and he loves for her a lot; to him all I’ll ever be is a friend. “I’ve got to leave, and let him have the life he really wants, because in the end he will end up leaving me anyways.”

 

This baby was a miracle, a dream come true, if only she was a little older, she thought. It was Craig’s, and it seemed like this was the only thing she had to hold onto from those nights together.

 

“Oh no,” Emma whispered. Manny would rip her apart when she found out who the father was. Everyone would lose out in everyway, and she would be named the bad guy in all of this. She didn’t want to hurt Manny in the same way that she had hurt Ashley.

 

She couldn’t bear to ruin everything for Craig. She felt that he wouldn’t be happy unless he was with Manny. Leaving town would be the only solution to all of this, not just, so that Craig didn’t lose all that mattered most to him, but also for their child. It didn’t deserve to get caught in the middle of the crossfire.

 

Tears filled her eyes. The thought of leaving her life made this so much harder. However, this child would help her carry on; get through all those lonely nights.

 

Emma began to pack her most important possessions. She couldn’t take too much for she didn’t know where she would be headed. All she knew was it had to be far away from this place, somewhere no one would suspect her to go.

 

She wouldn’t notify anyone regarding her departure. They’d only try to prevent her from going. This was just something she had to do, not for herself, but her love, and their child. After all the harm she has caused, it was the least she could do. She’d sacrifice her happiness for theirs.

 

********************************************************

 

That night Emma was off on a bus leaving her world behind, but most of all leaving Craig behind. The love she would never forget, even if she wanted to. Their baby would always be a memory of him, and their nights together. She cried in her seat just thinking about it. Placing her hand on her stomach, “It’s just you and me baby.”

 

All the things left undiscovered

Leave me waiting and left to wonder

I need you

Yeah I need you

 

Spike went downstairs to wake-up Emma. It was 7:45am, and she still hadn’t come up for breakfast. She wanted to make sure that she was okay, knowing that she had been sick off and on lately.

 

When she got downstairs, Emma was nowhere in sight. She decided to check the washroom, just incase she was sick again. “Emma,” she called out. The door was open, and no one was in there.

 

“SNAKE!” she yelled. She became frightened, where could she be? This wasn’t like her daughter not to be here, she was so confused.

 

“What is it?” Snake asked, as he came down the stairs, tying his tie.

 

“Emma’s gone,” she said pacing, back and forth.

 

“What!” This was so out of character, he thought. “Why would she do that?” thinking that his wife knew something he didn’t, feeling out of the loop.

 

She took a deep breath, almost in tears, “I don’t know.”

 

Snake saw that his wife was all broken up; he brought her into an embrace, looking over her shoulder. He noticed an envelope that read ‘mom & dad’. He went and grabbed it, and read it to Spike.

 

Mom, Dad & Jack,

 

If you’re reading this, then you’ve discovered that I’ve run away. Don’t think it was because I didn’t love you, or that I was unhappy here. It’s far from that, trust me!!!

 

I’m pregnant, and no, I won’t say with whose baby. I wouldn’t want you to go after him or anything. I didn’t want to have it come down to this, but I’m sick of hurting the ones close to me. I mean I’m not the person you all picture in your head. I betrayed a friend by sleeping with her boyfriend, me staying would only lead to hurt and pain that I don’t want to cause. Now that I’m going to be a mother, I have to put my child first, I can’t put my child in the middle of a war, I just can’t.

 

Please understand where I’m coming from, and don’t try coming after me to bring me home because I’ll only leave again. When I’m settled, I’ll send you another letter to tell you how I am.

 

I’m sorry mom; I know you never wanted me to turn out like this. And I know I’m not the child you think you love. I’m sorry to have to cause you all this pain. I know now you probably think awfully of me now, knowing that I could betray so many people... I wish I could have been that girl you thought I was.

 

You guys have always been the best parents that a kid could ask for. I just wish that I could have lived up to who you thought I was.

 

Well I got to jet. I love you guys’ lots. Please make sure that Jack knows I love him.

 

Luv Emma

 

Spike began to blame herself that Emma thought she had to try to be someone she wasn’t. The tears ran down her face, because she felt like she may never get to tell her daughter that all she ever wanted for her was her happiness. That she never wanted her to be some perfect little girl.

 

Don't walk away

 

I came home a wondering why Emma hadn’t been in school today, it wasn’t like her to miss school, unless she was sick. I went to ask Mr. Simpson if she was okay, and he said she was perfectly fine. What was up? She didn’t even want me to come over last night as I always did on Thursday nights.

 

I decided to go give her a visit to see what was up. I needed to know, why she was avoiding me. I knocked on the door only to have her mom answer it, “Hi, is Emma here?”

 

“No…she no longer lives here,” said a sad tone. Craig’s heart just dropped, feeling like it had been broken in a million pieces. What how was this possible, her parents were still here.

 

“Why?”

 

“She said she had to get out of here, away from everything,” leaving out some of the reasons.

 

“Oh I see,” feeling like he was going to cry. Was it something he said or did? “I’ll talk to you later.”

 

“Could you tell Manny for me?” unsure if she would be able to do it, not after what she did to her. She was still sad over Emma leaving, hoping that this was some kind of dream.

 

Shaking his head, “Yeah.” He slowly walked away, as if he had no energy to move. He was in a state of shock.

 

Craig left the Simpson house questioning why Emma would have Degrassi, without saying good-bye. How could she not say good-bye when they had so many wonderful nights together?

 

Then he recalled a conversation they had a month ago, did it mean she was falling for him? Did she leave because she wouldn’t be able to handle seeing him with Manny, seeing them kiss and act as a couple in front of her? He was mad at himself for driving her away from her home, her family, and her friends.

 

As he walked up his path with his head down, he kicked the rocks that were before him. When he looked up who should be there no other than Manny with a big smile on her face. She came up and gave him a big hug, but he barely touched her; he still was astonished by the news. Feeling responsible for it all, it was him who had kissed her that day in her bedroom, which had started this all.

 

Many noticed this, “Why the long face?” Wondering why he seemed to be so upset, he hadn’t even bothered to talk to her all day. She knew that it had to be something big.

 

“I think you need to sit down,” guiding her to the swing on the porch, knowing that the news would devastate her. She had known Emma since elementary school, they had done everything together. He knew this would hit her pretty hard.

 

She was uneasiness about what he had to tell her. The smile that had been planted on her face, soon faded, “What is it?”

 

“I just came from Mr. Simpson’s house, and Spike said that Emma has moved away, that she needed to get away from here.”

 

Her stomach dropped, and her eyes formed tears, “I can’t believe she didn’t even say good-bye.” Feeling maybe that this was her fault since she lately had been spending most of her time with either Craig or the Spirit Squad; not having much time for her.

 

Craig wanted to tell Emma how he felt about her, tell her that he didn’t think of her as just someone he slept with. Nevertheless, what was Manny? Sure Manny and he had fun together, and he thought that he loved her and all. However, it now didn’t seem like it was something he wanted anymore. He just wanted to go back to those nights in Emma’s room, to those nights he felt whole.

 

He wished he had warning so that he could stop her from leaving. Tell her how much he really needed her. Would she have listened though? He knew deep inside that she was always worried that her best friend would find out, and forever hate her. She had committed the worst betrayal to a friend. Maybe she did this so that Manny could have her happy ever after, but was that what he really wanted anymore? A couple of months ago he would’ve yes, but now he just didn’t know.

 

“Emma, where ever you are?” he mouthed, “Come back to me.”

 

Touch me now how I wanna feel

Something so real, please remind me

My love, and take me back

Cuz I’m so in love with what we were

I’m not breathing I’m suffocating without you

Do u feel it to

 

Emma sat in her new room, at her cousin’s house, looking out the window at the dark blue sky. She wondered what Craig was doing at this very moment, properly with Manny, the girl of his dreams.

 

“I wonder if he has noticed that I’m gone, or even if he cares. What am I talking about, he’s better off without me…and our child,” she said as tears ran down her face.

 

This wasn’t supposed to happen, she wasn’t supposed to get this attached to him. It was only supposed to be something they did for fun, for excitement, but then she fell for him. She still could feel his hands upon her skin, making her tingle all over.

 

She had to stop torturing herself like this; it wasn’t going to help her move on from all of this. Craig would always be Manny’s, he would never see past the friendship they had, even if they did more things than friends usually do.

 

She began to think the best thing to start out new would be to write Craig, tell him good-bye, and the reason behind her leaving. Maybe then, she could get real closure to this all, and be able to move forward, instead of backwards like she had been these last few months.

 

When I’m in the dark and all alone

Dreaming that you'll walk right through my door,

Its then I know my heart is whole

There’s a million reasons why I cry

Hold my covers tight and close my eyes

Cuz I don’t wanna be alone

 

Craig couldn’t keep up this lie anymore he didn’t want Manny anymore. He didn’t think he had wanted her for a long time, he just hadn’t realized it until now. He wished that he had realized his feelings for her before she had got up and left.

 

He slowly walked up the too familiar path, trying to think how he was going to break it off. He rang the doorbell, and stood there, waiting for someone to answer. He really hoped that she was home, so that he could get this over and done with.

 

His luck she answered, smiling “Aw you came to see me.”

 

“Ye...ah,” not knowing how to reply to that, knowing that he was about to break her heart. “Why don’t we go inside?”

 

“Alright,” grabbing his hand, “My parents aren’t home, we could go up stairs.”

 

That was so tempting, but he couldn’t do it, “No, I want to talk.”

 

“About what?” wonder what was so important that he had resisted having sex with her. It was so not like him.

 

“Us!”

 

She didn't get the meaning behind it, not thinking that it could be anything bad, “What about us?”

 

“I…I don’t think that we should be together anymore,” finally able to breathe after getting that off his chest; it was as if he had been holding his breath for the last few months since Emma’s absence.

 

Her face went blank, and she didn’t know what to say. “I thought you loved me,” she sobbed.

 

“I use to, but things have changed,” looking down at the floor, not wanting to see what her face looked like. He knew she was crying. He felt so bad about doing this to her.

 

“…is there another woman?” she began to shout.

 

He took a huge breath, how do you tell your current girlfriend that the other girl is her best friend? Maybe it was better to leave out the name, for Emma’s sake. “Yes!”

 

“How did that happen?” wanting to know how she had lost him, the man who she thought she would be with for eternity.

 

“When you went away for the summer, we werea  comfort to each other…”

 

“You…slept with her!!!”

 

“…yes,” feeling ashamed that he had done the same thing to her as he had done to Ash.

 

“How could you?”

 

“It was exciting, I felt a rush. It was supposed to end by the end of the summer, but we couldn’t get enough of each other.”

 

“Do I know her?” she demanded to know, so that she could go rip out her face.

 

He felt the pressure from her to tell her who it was, but there was no way he would give her up. He didn’t want her to hate her best friend, “No.”

 

“Get out…get out NOW!!!” she screamed on the top of her lungs, pointing to the door.

 

Craig rushed out, he didn’t want to bother her any longer, he had caused her enough damage, enough pain.

 

All the things left undiscovered

Leave me waiting and left to wonder

I need you

All the things left undiscovered

Leave me empty and left to wonder

I need you, I need you

 

One week later Craig walked through the kitchen door to find an envelope addressed to him, he looked at the envelope but it seemed to have no return address. He opened it:

 

 

Craig,

 

I’m sorry I had to leave so quickly, without any warning, and no good-bye. It was the hardest thing I had to do, but I couldn’t cause Manny anymore pain, even if she didn’t know our little secret.

 

If you’re wondering, I didn’t leave because of you, trust me, if I could still have our moments I would, but I have someone else to think about now. I can’t be selfish; anyway, with me out of the way you and Manny can get back to what you had before our night; that great love that I know that you share.

 

However, I do need to tell you the real reason I left, you deserve that, it’s because I’m pregnant with your child. I knew it would only be a matter of time before people would find out, and question who the father was. I know you’re very happy with Manny, I see it every time that you’re together. Anyways to you I wasn’t anything but a bedmate, so I thought the best thing would be if I started a new life where nobody knew me. I know Manny will take good care of you.

 

Maybe someday I’ll come back, but right now, I have to let the people I love be happy, instead of being selfish.

 

Good-bye

Love Emma

 

P.S. I’ll update you on my pregnancy; you at least deserve to know how your own child is, even if you never will get to lay eyes on it.

 

 

Craig couldn’t believe what he just read, he felt overwhelmed. He was going to be a father, but wouldn’t ever get the chance of raising him or her. He wanted to be mad at her for that, but he knew she had good reasons to do it.

 

Craig couldn’t believe that Emma had left because of him; she had sacrificed everything for his happiness, and hadn’t asked for anything in return.  He felt a pain in the pits of his stomach; feeling like this was partly his fault. He wished that she hadn’t left, that she was right here with him. All of a sudden, it became very clear to him, he realized the reason he had kept the affair going on months after Manny came home; it was because he loved her. Why was it that he had to realize it when it was too late?

 

He would never forget how Emma had enriched his life, but he guessed they had yet again missed their chance to be with each other. Maybe in the future they would be blessed enough to get another chance, but for now, she wouldn’t be his.

 

The End