Emma slammed the front door after coming home from the library. All she could hear was yelling, yet again. She stood with her back against the wall as she listened to them go at it again, waiting for the right time to go down into her room.

“You’re constantly out all the time, you hardly spend time at home, anymore, with me, with the kids,” Spike yelled.

“You know I’ve had a lot on my plate right now, and I’ve told you many times how sorry I am.”

“But you don’t sound like you mean it, it’s like you don’t care,” telling him how she was feeling.

“I can’t keep doing this right now…I think we need a break,” he said slamming the kitchen door behind him, leaving his family alone.

She stood there crying; Emma came over and embraced her mom, feeling for her, “Its okay, he’ll be back soon,” hoping that it was true.

“I hope you’re right,” she replied. “Could you take Jack out, get home some dinner? I really want to be alone right now.” Feeling she needed time to think things clearly.

“Are you sure?” not wanting to leave her mom like this, in such a mess. Feeling like she had to be the one keeps things together.

Shaking her head, “Yes.”

“Alright,” she walked out into the living room, and took his hand, “Come on Jack let’s get some fries.”

“Yeah,” he cheered.

Spike just slipped down against the cupboards onto the ground and began crying into her hands. How did things go so wrong in such a short time?

***********************

The band was practicing in Craig’s garage getting ready for their performance at the Valentine’s dance. They had been practicing for the last hour.

Waving his arms in the air, “No…no…no,” Craig yelled so they could hear him over the music.

They all stopped in their tracks, stopped what they were playing, and put their instruments down. “What now,” Jimmy whined.

“For starters you keep going into the chorus a few seconds behind the rest of us. And Marco your bass sounds like it could use a little bit of a tuning job.”

Ellie felt the need to save the others. Moving towards him, “Craig…you need to calm down,” putting her hands on his shoulders, “everything is going to turn out alright.”

“I just want it to be perfect, to make sure it’s special for everyone,” especially you, he thought.

Smiling, “It will be,” she said calmly.

“I guess you all can go now, take a break…we’ll practice this weekend before the dance.”

“Sounds good to me,” Marco replied, sounding relieved that they could actually get a break in before the dance. He thought that Craig would actually make them practice everyday until that day, knowing that he was a perfectionist when it came to music.

“That’s for sure,” Jimmy said, feeling like he hadn’t done anything normal lately, or even spent time with his gorgeous girlfriend.

As they began to head for the door, “Do you think your dad could drive me home?” Marco asked, not in the mood to walk.

“Yeah,” he replied.

Ellie gathered up her stuff, putting her book bag over her shoulder; she headed towards the door.

“Hey, where you going?” Craig asked believing that she would be staying.

Turning around, “Well I thought I may get some homework done at my place, you know the stuff that teachers hand out when you’re not done with your work,” she said sarcastically.

“Ha ha…very funny. Why don’t you stay here, we’ll do it together?” drawing her into his arms.

Playing with the collar on his shirt, “You know I can’t do that because we never end up getting any studying done. We end up getting off topic or making out or something.”

Putting his right hand up, “I swear that we’ll do our homework.”

Grinning, “You know you can’t promise that.”

Laughing, “I know…I had to try though.”

“I got to go…bye,” kissing him quickly. She headed out the door, but not before looking back one more time, “I’ll call you later.”

“I love you.”

Smiling, “I love you too.”

***********************

Emma walked with Jack to the food court of the mall, somewhere she was sure that Manny and Peter wouldn’t be hanging out. They probably were somewhere making out as per usual.

“Jack, I so wish that this wasn’t our third visit here this week. I feel all we eat anymore is junk.” She probably gained ten pounds in the process.

She heard giggling across the court, a giggle she recognized; her heart sunk. Why today, why did she have to be here, she asked herself. This was the last thing she needed.

Peter caught a glance of her, and felt guilty, yet again. He decided that maybe he should go talk to her. He at least wanted to be friends with her again. Notice that she was beginning to walk away, leaving, “Emma, wait,” coming up behind her.

She spun around on her heels, “What???”

Jack noticed who it was, “Peter,” he tried to say.

Bending down, “Hey little man.”

“Leave him alone,” not wanting him anywhere near her or her brother.

“Em I’m so sorry for what I did, what I put you through.”

“Yeah right because you got what you wanted…sex.”

“I never meant to hurt you as much as I did, that was never my intentions.”

Something had been eating at her, she really wanted to know, “What is it about her that makes all the guys crazy…is it just the sex?” she cried out.

He couldn’t lie, and say that it didn’t have a factor, but it hadn’t been the only reason. “No…when she started coming after me she just had this toxicating way about her; she got into my head, making it hard to say no to after a while.”

She really despised that girl, “It’s not fair; you were mine first.”

He knew all the hurt she had been through with the other guys, and he had only added to; probably hurt her far worse than the others. And that was something that he had to live with for the rest of his life. Putting his hand on her shoulder, “I’m sorry that I let you down.”

Not believing him, backing away, “No you’re not cause you’ve got her,” pointing over to her ex-best friend.

“But I am.”

“Well it’s a little too late for that now,” walking away with her brother in hand.

Peter just watched as she walked away only to realize that he was never good enough for her, he was scum before they dated, and he still was.

***********************

“You didn’t call me last night,” Craig said, as he noticed Ellie walking past him towards her locker.

Stopping in her tracks, turning to face him, “Sorry, I didn’t finish my homework into late, and then I basically fell asleep the moment I laid my head on my pillow.”

“I guess I can forgive that,” he joked.

She lightly swapped him on the arm.

“So I was thinking that Friday after the dance that  we would grab a movie and have some time just me and you,” pulling her into his arms.

Shaking her head, “I think that sounds good, it has been a while since we’ve had much alone time.”

“It’s a date than.” The bells rings, “Well I guess we should get you to class,” grabbing a hold of her hand, swinging them as they walked down the hall.

***********************

Spike had yet again sent her off with some type of breakfast burrito that wasn’t that great, and not real healthy. She hadn’t had time since they were up late yet again. She had stayed up most of the night waiting for Snake to show, but he never did.

She threw the burrito away in the nearest garbage can. She wasn’t going to eat another one of these or anything else like it. She was going healthy all the way, especially since she barely fit into her favorite pair of jeans. Maybe making a new and improved her would make a guy want to stay with her.

***********************

The group was seeing up their equipment, with the help of Josh and Alex. Lexie and Jim were off there flirting with one another, throwing balloons at one another, giggling.

Ellie was tightening the cymbals on their stands, glancing at Craig from the corner of her eye. He was setting up his amp, to his guitar. Then he began to make sure that his guitar was still in tune since the last time he used it.

And Marco was trying to set up, but still making sure that the gym looked perfect for the dance.

***********************

Emma walked into the kitchen, opened up the fridge, and grabbed a bottle of water. Noticing Emma was in her sweats, “Aren’t you going out tonight?” Spike asked.

If it meant getting out of this house of course she would go. “Yeah, I just came back from a run. I’m just going to take a shower.”

“There’s dinner on the table,” she said.

“Oh,” she didn’t really want anything but she knew her mom would make a fuss if she didn’t though. She was little surprised that her mom had actually made food though, it made her wonder if Snake was coming by to be with her on Valentine’s day. She walked back over to the table, and scarped down her meal as if it had been a while since she last ate. She had eaten the last few days, but they had been little meals, that only consisted of real low calories like celery.

After she walked downstairs, she walked into her bathroom. She stood there, thinking of how awful she felt about eating something so fatty; she had to do it. She knelt down in front of the toilet. She began to debate whether or not to do it; she had never made herself puke before.

Something kept on saying in her head, ‘if you don’t do it you will gain more weight, all that work will have been for nothing’. She picked up the toothbrush that sat beside her on the end of the counter, and stuck it at the back of her throat.

***********************

Ellie sat at the drums strolling away in a black halter dress, which feel to her knees, sheer lace covered her scared arms. All Craig could think about was how gorgeous she looked tonight; he had never seen her look so beautiful. It seemed like everyone loved their music, and was really getting into it.

When a string on Craig’s guitar broke, he was a little frustrated, but he kept his cool. “We’re going to take a 15minute break, he said, taking off his guitar.

He grabbed his case in a huff. Ellie noticed and walked over to him, “Its okay.”

“El I wanted everything to be perfect, and I just ruined everything.”

“No you didn’t, you’re just overreacting. Nobody cares that a string broke during a set.” Pointing at the crowd, “Look they’re still all having fun.”

“I guess you’re right,” grabbing a hold of her around her legs. Looking up at her, “I guess I just wanted to show you I can do it even when I’m Bipolar.”

Grabbing a hold of his chin, making him look at her, “I know you’re capable of all those things, despite it.”

“I’m sorry, I guess I’m just so use to someone wondering if I can do things, if I’m going to flip out.”

“I’m not Ash,” beginning to wonder if he still wished that she was here, still his.

His eyes widened, and he let go of his grip around her, and arose, “ASH!”

“Hi, am I interrupting something,” after witnessing Ellie in Craig’s arms.

“Actually,” Ellie began to say.

“No…com here…it’s been too long.”

Ashley ran over to his and embraced the one who use to be hers, the one she still loved deep down.

“How’s it been? You look so different.” Amazed to know she was actually right in front of him.

Ellie stood there, feeling invisible, like he didn’t seem to remember that she was there. She watched them, how they were interacting. She could feel the tears forming in her eyes. She ran out of the gym, right for the bathroom.

***********************

Emma sat on the bleachers wishing she could just go home. She hated having to watch all the happy couples, on the floor; most of all THEM together. It took her all that she had not to go over there and punch Manny in the face, but she wouldn’t sink to her level.

Everything about her life was messed up. Her family, her friendships, her love life and now it seemed her grades had been slowly falling since the break-up. The only thing she was actually doing right lately was bettering herself.

“Hey Em,” Darcy said, sitting down next to her.

Not evening looking her way, “Hey.”

“I guess it really sucks seeing them here together.”

“Dam right.”

“You deserve so much better than that. If you ever need someone to talk to, know I’m here.”

“Thanks, but I’m fine,” she tried to convince her, and herself.

“If you say so,” she said getting up.

***********************

“How long you here for?” Craig asked.

“Not sure yet.”

“Well we should hang out sometime.”

Ellie walked back into the gym, realizing that they needed to get back on for another set. She came over in a huff, “We’re back on…”

“Okay,” rising up from the amp. Then a great idea came to him, “You know I have this great idea, why don’t you sing a sing with us.”

Ellie rolled her eyes, she wasn’t impressed. Ash comes back and it seems like she never left, like he forgot the pain she caused him or that he was in a relationship with someone else.

“Sure why not, she said, happily agreeing. This would be fun, like old times, she thought.

Can someone tell me why I always hurt you

'Cause honestly, I just don’t understand

You would've given me the world, if I asked

But now I'll never have that chance again

I miss the way you made me smile

And how you looked into my eyes

I wish I couldn’t take back all those things I said

But now all I can do is apologize

But that's not enough…

You loved me, I left you

I'm crying, 'cause I need you

I miss you, but you're gone now

And it's my fault, and I'm alone now        

I'm sorry, I'm sorry

She couldn’t believe Ashley was playing her games again, and Craig seemed to be falling for it. You’re not supposed to hate you best friend, but at this moment she did. She had enough of Ashley getting close to her boyfriend, their bodies touching, back to back; she did the unexpected, throwing her drumstick at her head. She had great aim cause hit her directly on the side of her head.

Ashley spun around in fury, “What’s you problem?”

Arising with an attitude, “You and how you’re draping yourself all over my boyfriend.”

Getting into her face, “He was mine first,” she shouted.

“Yeah until you deserting him, leaving me to pick up the pieces.” She came back into reality, and realized where they were; noticing that all the people, but especially Craig staring. She darted out of the Gym as fast as her legs could take her.

***********************

“How was the dance,” Spike asked as Emma walked through the door.

“Fine,” She lied. Looking around, “Didn’t come home yet?”

“Nope,” she said sadly.

Emma went over to her mom, feeling like it was now her responsibility to take care of her, and embraced her. “You don’t deserve to be treated this way.”

“Hun things are just stressful for him right now. When he’s had time to cool down he realized the mistake he’s made.”

“I hope so,” wondering how long her mom could take this. “I’m going to head to bed, anything you want before I leave?”

“No honey…night.”

“Night,” she said.

***********************

“Ellie…Ellie,” he hollered as he ran down he hall, looking for her. There she was sitting on the staircase with her face in her hands. He was sure she was crying, but not sure what had brought this jealousy on.

He strolled over to her, and sat next to her, “El…what’s wrong?”

“Go away.”

“No…talk to me.”

“Why don’t you just go back to her, it’s obvious that you still want her, that you still love her.”

“No I don’t,” he replied back.

“Is it,” she questioned him, “because the way you two were acting tonight it says differently, and I’m just a fool to think that we actually stood a chance,”

arising.

Grabbing a hold of her left hand, stopping her from leaving, “El don’t do this,” begging her not to give up.

“Good-bye,” she said grabbing her hand away from him, and running away yet again with tears falling from her eyes.

Craig was left there crying himself; sad that he had lost her.

***********************

“Ash, tell me the real reason you came back,” Craig said as he saw her sitting next to his gear, as if she had been waiting for him to return.

“Cause I wanted you…just never thought you had moved on.”

“What did you expect…for me to be pondering for you to come back,” looking at her like she was crazy.

“Well…yes. I mean it was only last year that you wanted to marry me, wanted me to be yours forever.” Growing closer, “But tonight us on the stage together, like old time; can you honesty say that you didn’t feel it?”

Backing away, not wanting to be that close to her, “Yeah I can because what we had is in the past. I found someone that treats me like a person, a patient; someone that doesn’t walk on eggshells every time I’m around her.”

“Craig I’m sorry for that, but I still love you.”

“Well I’m sorry but I don’t love you anymore.”  He walked out, he had to find Elle again, and make her listen this time; he wasn’t ready to lose her.

Leaving Ashley looking distraught at the thought that she had lost, that he longed for Ellie the way he use to long for her. Maybe it’s best that I head back to England, she thought. There was nothing left in Toronto for her.

***********************

Emma took out a book from under her mattress, and began to write in it.

February 14th

I ate 2 celery stick

        450ml of water

        1 square of lasagna, after I was done I threw it right up

I ran 5 miles this morning, than ran another 2 miles before dinner.

I keep looking at these pictures, but I seem real fat compared to these models, I hate the way I look, I’m such a fatty.

After she was done writing stuff down, adding a few more photo’s to the book, she stuffed it back under the mattress where no one would see it. Then she turned off the light so she could get the needed sleep so she could get up early morning to head out for a run.

***********************

Ellie sat in the corner table at the Dot; her eyes were all red from crying so much. She hated crying, it so wasn’t her. She was scribbling on a napkin when Craig arrived he walked over to her, “Hey.”

“How did you find me here?”

“Well there aren’t many places to walk to from Degrassi, especially since you’re in heels.”

She wanted to laugh, but she was still mad, “I told you it was over, so leave,” going back to her scribbling.

“Well I don’t except it,” sitting in the chair across from her.”

“Well you don’t get a vote in the matter,” unable to look him in the eyes.

“Come on El, why can’t you see that you’re the one I want, not Ash?”

“Because you guys have always had an off and on relationship. And now that she’s back you act like no time has passed; that she didn’t hurt you.”

“Hun,” grabbing her hand, rubbing the top of it with his thumb, “that’s because I’m not mad at her for that anymore because I don’t look back at that part of my life, plus if she hadn’t I wouldn’t have found you; someone who has enriched my life in more ways than one. You care for me like no other ever has.”

“Than why did you basically ignore me tonight, as if I wasn’t there once she showed,” letting him know how angry and hurt she was.

“Hun if I did that, it wasn’t purposely. I just was stunned to see her there.” Giving her the puppy eyes, “Will you forgive me?”

Smiling, “I guess.”

Standing up, helping her up, “Now I think there’s a couch, calling our name.”

“What about the equipment?”

“The boys can handle that,” as they walked out, entwining his fingers with hers.