Craig came behind Kelsie, who was putting her books in her locker, and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Hey sweetie,” he said, kissing the nape of her neck with butterfly kisses.

Shutting her locker, she turned around to face him, putting her hands against his chest, “Hey, how did Joey react when you got home?” wanting to know how mad he got.

“He yelled at me, and said how I was making a stupid mistake again,” he said rolling his eyes. Being with Kelsie was far from a mistake.

“So he thinks it was just about the sex?” she said, glaring at him as she backed out of his arms. He hated the thought that Joey would think of her like that. Had he not gotten to know her well enough from the many hours she had spent at his home with them?

“No, I told him I loved you,” he said feeling as if he was on trial.

“Well then why would he say that?” starting to overreact.

“He just wants me to be careful because he wants more for my life,” trying to explain Joey’s reasons for why he had said that.

“So he thinks I’m no good for you? Maybe I should just leave you alone then!” she said as she starting to walk away, with tears forming in her eyes.

It was as if she was trying to pick a fight, for some reason to get out of the relationship. Grabbing a hold of her wrist, “Kelsie, don’t do this,” he begged.

“Do what?” she snapped.

“Don’t get mad at me for something someone else said.” She still didn’t look at him. “You never even let me finish telling you what happened.”

Turning back to face him with sympathetic eyes, “Sorry!"

“Well maybe I should have worded that better,” looking into her sad eyes. “Joey just doesn’t want me to get you pregnant. He doesn’t think that you’re no good for me. He wants me to be able to do all things I’ve planned for my future.”

“I want that for you too,” she said genuinely with loving eyes.

“The way he talked, made me realize that he actually thinks of me as his own flesh and blood; I never thought he felt that way.”

“But he took you in didn’t he,” putting her arm around his shoulder.

“Yeah, but I always thought he did it because he felt sorry for me. Yeah he does things for me, but I always felt like an outsider. I never felt he was doing it because he loved me.”

“Why haven’t you told me this before? I thought we told each other everything?” getting real frustrated with him, knowing that she had pretty well opened up fully to him, and yet he still keeps a lot in.

“Come on Kelsie, I bet there are things you haven’t told me. There are just some things I'm not ready to tell you.”

“Why not?” she said with a firm voice; it felt like he didn’t trust her. She had trusted him with all she had and now it felt like he was still holding back from her.

“Because I have a hard time opening my heart to anyone. It was hard enough for me to tell you about what my dad did to me.”

“Craig I told you about my parents, I even told you about the loss of my own child, yet you still keep things from me,” upset that after all this time he still refused to fully open up to her.

“It’s not as easy for me to open up; you should be obliged that I was able to open myself up as much as I have.” he said looking at the ground. Why could she not understand this, he thought.

Clenching her fists, “Oh and you think it was so easy for me,” she said as her voice began to grow louder, and people began to stare at them. “Screw you, I’m out of here,” she said brushing him off as she went and walked down the hall, far away from him.

What just happened here, Craig asked himself. Yesterday they were the happiest couple in school, and now it looked like things might be over for them. That was the last thing he wanted. He sat down on the floor, leaning against the lockers, with his face planted in his hands.

******

Craig walked into the cafeteria, at lunch a few days later, to see Kelsie sitting with Jimmy and Spinner. He went to sit with them, in hopes that Kelsie wasn’t still mad at him, that she might forgive him.

“Hey you guys.” Looking at her, “Hey Kelsie,” Craig said as he parked himself right next to Spinner.

Kelsie just gazed at him, and got up, “Sorry to have to rush out, but I remembered that I have something I have to take care of before lunch is over.”

“Okay see you later,” Jimmy said.

She strolled away, but not before glaring back at Craig with hurt in her eyes. Craig just felt like she was being unreasonable, and pigheaded. He hadn’t even done anything wrong really.

“What was that all about?” Spinner asked, noticing the look on her face.

 “We got into a little fight the other morning at school.”

“That was you guys?” Jimmy asked, remembering that he could hear a couple yelling at each other from down the hall.

“Yeah!” he said, looking down at his food.

“I heard that man. That’s harsh!”

“She’s being a total BITCH about it. I mean she won’t even talk to me. Every time I’ve tried, she takes off in the opposite direction or into the washroom. In Media Immersion, she got Mr. Simpson to move her to a computer as far away from me as possible.  She is totally overreacting.”

“Just give her time to cool down,” Jimmy said, knowing that sometimes that’s all a couple needs; he had learned that from his own experiences.

“Yeah, but school’s the only time I can talk to her because I’m grounded. That means no phone calls, or going anywhere for 3 weeks.”

“What did you do to get that sentence?” Spinner asked.

“Joey found out that I was lying about staying at Jimmy’s, and found out that I had been staying at Kelsie’s instead.”

“Harsh,” Spin replied, “How did you do it without her parents finding out?”

“Well…that’s something I promised Kelsie I wouldn’t say.”

“Alright,” but still a little curious about it.

“So what were you guys arguing about?” Spinner asked being nosy as usual.

“Well she doesn’t like that I haven’t told her all my secrets when she says she’s told me about all of hers.”

“Like what?” eager to know more about her. He knew so little, she wasn’t that open most of the time, when it came about some things about her life before Degrassi.

Craig was a little mad at her so he just blurted it, not really, thinking about what he was doing. “About a year into her relationship with Chris, she got pregnant. When she was only 6 ½ months pregnant, she got into a little fight with her parents, and went into premature labor. They had a baby girl named Satine, but she only lived a month because she was just too weak.”

“Poor Kelsie,” Spinner said, thinking that it must have been hard on her, losing a child. No wonder she was so upset when Chris died, he thought.

“Well after that she took the school year off; that’s why she’s in the same grade as us.”

“I bet that’s why she took losing Chris so bad,” Spinner implied.

“Craig do you really think you should be telling us this. I mean I don’t think Kelsie would be so happy to know that you told her secrets,” Jimmy replied. He didn’t feel that it was his place to be talking about this.

Knowing that he was right, Craig put his face into his hands, “What did I just do? There I go again making a big mistake. Maybe I’m just doomed when it comes to relationships; I always do the wrong thing.”

Placing his hand on Craig’s back, “We won’t tell anyone. Just find a way to make it up to her.”

“Like what?” There wasn’t much he could do to make it up to her since he was grounded.

“Well you could sneak out to see her,” Spinner suggested.

“Yeah, and get grounded for even longer. I don’t think so,” believing that it may end up running into his summertime.

“But isn’t she worth it?” Jimmy asked.

Thinking about it for a second, “Yeah…she is,” he smiled slightly. He would jump any hurdle just to be with her.

“Then risk it. If you don’t, you might lose her forever.”

He thought of her sweet kisses; it killed him to think that he may not taste them again. He needed her to be there with him, walking with him every moment. She was his rock, and he hers. If they were not there for each other, who would be? “But how am I going to do it. I’ve never done this before.” He never really tried too hard to get Ashley back.

“Do something romantic, something that will leave her speechless,” Jimmy said.

“Now if I could only figure what that was. Why do girls have to be so complicated?”

“You’re telling me man,” Spinner replied.

Craig spent all day trying to figure a way to make it up to her. The answer was so easy; he couldn’t believe it took him so long to figure it out.

He waited until he saw Joey go to bed. Then he quietly crept down the stairs, trying not to make a sound. He grabbed his surprise from the hall closet, and then he left out the back door, taking the alleyway for a shortcut.

It took him about 20mins to walk there, since there was no way he could have taken the car without Joey finding out. He walked through her pathway, to the backyard. He sat on the porch railing, started strolling on his guitar, and began singing.

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Kelsie was trying to sleep, but she still had her fight with Craig on the brain. Why could he not trust her with those sorts of things? Then she heard something coming from outside her window. She went out on her porch, to find Craig below singing the song a song for her, something she had never heard before.

I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

Craig sat there, looking at her with sadden eyes, pleading with her eyes to forgive him. He hoped this would make everything right.

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I want to chase
You're the one I want to hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Your beautiful soul, yeah

Kelsie was having a hard time still hating Craig, when he did something like this for her. Her heart felt like it was going to melt, just listening to his beautiful voice.

You might need time to think it over
But I'm just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind
If you give me the chance
I will never make you cry, c'mon let's try

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I want to chase
You're the one I want to hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Maybe I overreacted a little, Kelsie thought. I mean it takes time in a relationship to let someone fully in, and we haven’t even been going out for that long.

Am I crazy for wanting you
Baby do you think you could want me too
I don't waste your time
Do you see things the way I do
I just want to know that you feel it too
There is nothing left to hide

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have been mad at you.”

“I’m sorry too,” feeling guilty about what he told the boys. Of course she didn’t even know that he had that to be guilty about.

Kelsie didn’t know why he was sorry. “Just wait a sec. I’m coming down.” She ran down the stairs to the deck door. She came outside, and sat on a deck chair near Craig.

Craig set his guitar down, and sat down beside her, “Kels, I still have a hard time trusting people. And it will take time for me to fully let you in." Grabbing her hand, “But look how much I let you know already since I met you. Most of those things people don’t even know about me.”

“I know, and I was thinking, that is enough for now. When you’re ready, I know you’ll tell me.” Leaning into him, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” kissing her on the forehead.

“You should go before my parents discover you. I don’t know if they’ll be as lenient as last time.”

“Alright, talk to you tomorrow.” He picked up his guitar, and started heading to the gate, when Kelsie grabbed his hand, bringing him back for a kiss.

“Bye,” she said blowing him another kiss as she went into the house.

Craig walked up to the school the next day to see Kelsie with a big smile on her face. All the joy he felt last night had gone away. The guilt was eating him alive. He felt he should tell her that he told Jimmy and Spinner about Satine. He felt so guilty for betraying her trust.

Kelsie greeted him at the front of the school with a kiss. Craig backed away from the kiss, “Don’t.”

“Craig, what’s the matter?” Not understanding why he backed away. They had made up last night, so what was up with this? She was very confused; she didn’t comprehend why he was being like this.

“I…need to tell you something,” he said with dread in eyes. He knew that everything could be ruined after he told her, but he had to honest. He couldn’t let lies ruin another relationship.

“What is it?”

“I did something real stupid,” putting his head down in shame.

“If it doesn’t involve you cheating on me, I don’t really care,” believing that it was anything too important.

“No I have to tell you this.” Grabbing a hold of her hands, “I was talking to the boys yesterday, telling why you were mad at me. And without thinking I told them about you losing Satine.”

Kelsie slapped him across the face. “How dare you bring MY daughter into this? You had NO RIGHT!” she said with tears running down her face. How dare he tell anyone about her, especially out of spite.

“I never meant to do it to hurt you.”

“Of course not! You have an excuse for everything,” she raged.

“You whine to me about opening myself up to others, but you can’t even do it yourself,” he sneered, tired of having the same fight all the time.

“You’ve never lost a child, so you just wouldn’t understand.”

“You know what, that’s where you’re wrong,” he sneered.

As he said that, she whipped around to face him. “What?”

Drawing closer to her, “Manny got pregnant, but in the end she aborted it. She didn’t even care what I thought about the whole thing. She didn’t care that I actually wanted to be a father, no she only thought about why she didn’t want it.”

Feeling real bad for what she had said, “I’m sorry,” Putting her hand on his cheek, “I didn’t know.”

“I know…I never told anyone how much I wanted it. It would have been my family, at a time when I felt like I didn’t have one or least wasn’t part of one.”

Gazing into his eyes, “I miss her the most when I see other parents with their children playing and laughing.”

“I get sad when I see how Joey is with Angela. I wonder if I would’ve been as great with mine.”

“I always wonder what kind of mother I would’ve made.” Grabbing his hand, “I know you would’ve made a great dad.”

His eyes widened, “Really.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen the way you are with Angela, the way she looks at you with so much love. She really admires you.”

“I love her dearly. She reminds me a lot of my mom. She looks like her, and even acts like her at times,” he smiled.

“See what I mean.”

 Backing away from her, “I’d understand if you don’t want to see me again after what I did. I guess what everyone says about me is true, I wreck everything I touch,” he says as he turned to walk away.

Kelsie didn’t like the way he was talking about himself. Yeah he wrecked things at times, but he had done many wonderful things too. She closed the gap between them to stop him, and make him turn around, “Craig, everyone makes mistakes, that’s a part of life.”

“Yeah, but mine are usually bigger then most.”

“Craig you were right, I should share my daughter with my friends. I was just afraid that they would judge me since I was so young.”

“If they can get past what I did, then I think they can get through this,” rubbing her back.

“I guess you’re right. How about we start this relationship on a clean slate? I mean we love each other and both still want to work on it, so why not start out new.”

“I agree…from now on no keeping any secrets from each other.”

“Yeah, now let’s finish what I started,” grabbing on to his shirt, bringing him closer for a kiss.

******

At lunch, Kelsie decided to take Ashley and Paige out, off school grounds. It was time she let them know her little secret, a secret she had been hiding since she walked through the doors of Degrassi.

They went to the nearest coffee shop by the school, and sat outside on the little porch provided. It was a nice day out, the sun was shining; it was quite warm out.

“This is nice being without the guys for once. Sometimes we just need some time away from them,” Ash said, thinking that they hadn’t had much girl time. They spent most of their time with the guys lately.

“I agree,” Paige said.

“Okay I brought you here because I wanted to talk to you.”

“What about?” Ashley asked, wondering if Craig had proposed or something. If he had then she would have to speak up, believing that it was too premature for that. Moreover, they still had one more year of school left on top of that.

“When I came to Degrassi…I held a few secrets.” She couldn’t believe that she was going to tell them this.

“Like what?”

“When I was 15, I found out I was pregnant. I wasn’t even finished with grade 10 at that point, I was unsure about what I was to do or even how Chris would react”

“Oh my,” Paige said putting her hand over her mouth. She began to wonder where her child was then, why had they not ever met it?

“Well Chris told me that he really wanted us to keep it, that after we graduated we would get married and become a real family. When he told me that I knew he really loved me. He was very supportive, going to every appointment with me, went and bought me anything I needed,” remembering all those sweet moments was a little hard, since they both were no longer with her.

“That was sweet of him,” Ash replied, not knowing what else to say.

“Yeah it was. When I was about 6 1/2 months pregnant, I got real fed up at my parents.”

“Why?” Paige interrupted.

“See they had just started at this big law office about a year prior, once they started working there they took a lot of cases that kept them from being at home all the time, leaving me alone a lot. Nevertheless, sometimes Chris would stay over, other nights I would stay at his house. Chris’s mom wanted to go over there and tell them a piece of her mind, but I made her promise not to. However, I had finally had enough with it, with a baby coming on the way I need as much support as I could get. So one night I decided to have a chat with them. I started to tell them how I felt, but they didn’t seem to listen. We got in a big argument over it, that’s when I went into premature labor. We had Chris meet us at the hospital. However, in Sechelt, their hospital isn’t that great for these kinds of situations, so they had to fly me off to Vancouver; Chris came with me. They tried to delay the birth, but nothing they tried seemed to work. I gave birth to a beautiful girl, Satine Lacy Hayes. Neither of us got to hold her before she was rushed off into the incubator. Chris never left my side from there on, each day we would go visit her. A month later well we were visiting her, her heart stopped. They tried all they could, but she was just too weak,” a tear came down her cheek as she remembered that fateful day. It was a day a piece of her died with her daughter.

“Oh Hun, I’m so sorry,” Paige said, noticing the pain in her eyes. “This must have been so hard for you to tell us.”

“Yeah,” she gave a slight smile.

“Kelsie this must have been so hard…to lose a child,” Ash said.

“It was at first, but Chris was so great about it; we helped each other grieve together. After all that, I took the rest of the school year off. It wasn’t too long after that, that I was told that I was leaving the only person I truly loved, and the only connection I had left to my daughter,” more tears rolled down.

“No wonder you reacted the way you did when he died.”

“And thanks to Craig I got through it.” Wiping her tears away, changing the subject slightly, “Why had no one told me that Craig was going to be a father before Manny got rid of it?”

“We didn’t think it was our place to say,” Paige replied.

“I understand that,” Kelsie said, thinking of how she reacted when Craig told the guys.

“So have you guys made up?” Ash asked.

“Yeah last night, but then we had a fight this morning because he told the boyz about Satine.”

“What a little jerk!” Paige remarked, believing that he had not right to tell others.

“We talked it out though. It’s was kind of both our faults.”

“How’s that?” Paige asked, not wanting her to be fooled by him. She didn’t want her to get hurt like Ashley had by him.

“I said pretty hurtful things in the first fight. In addition, he told me that he didn’t tell them about Satine to hurt me, he just wanted them understand my point of view of why I was angry at him.”

“Just like boys, always thinking that they can get away with anything.”

“Plus I’m not ready to give up on him…I love him. The only reason I’ll dump him at this moment is if he cheats on me.”

“I hope that doesn’t happen, I know how it feels, and it isn’t good,” Ashley replied. She didn’t really think that would be the case with her though. He seemed different with her then he was when they had dated.

“I don’t think he will. He seems to be different with Kelsie then he was with you or even Manny,” Paige exclaimed.

“I know, since she’s arrived I’ve seen such a difference. I’ve come to see a side of him that I hadn’t seen before.”

******

“So I told her that I told you guys about her daughter,” Craig explained as he sat down at the table in the cafeteria.

“So how did she react?” Spin asked.

“At first a little yelling, but after I told her that I lost a child too, she seemed a little more understanding, and willing to talk it out.”

“That’s good; you guys are good for each other. You have helped each other in so many ways. With you, she helped you open you heart. I’ve never seen such great music come out of you since she came. With her, you have made her see she can love again. She has so much joy and passion in her now,” Jimmy said.

“Thanks!” he blushed a little, as he smiled down at his plate. He was glad that he was able to do that for her.