Kelsie pulled into school beaming, from head to toe. She hadn’t stoped smiling since she got home the night before. She had just had the best weekend of her life, and she wasn’t going to let anything get her down. No nothing could ruin it for her, not even her ex-friend Craig; she wouldn’t let it. She wasn’t going to let anyone get into her way of being with Chris again.

Paige, who was leaning against the handrail, greeted her as she walked up to the school. Eager to know all that happened, “Girl, tell me the details of your weekend.”

“Well, he greeted me at the airport with a single white rose.”

Interrupting her, “How sweet!”

“We talked all the way back to his house, about things going on,” taking a deep breath, “and before you ask, no, I didn’t tell him,” knowing that she would ask.

“Okay, okay, so tell me the rest,” she had a feeling that she hadn’t told him. She knew that Kelsie didn’t want to lose him; she’d just hoped that it didn’t come out in the end and kick her in the butt.

“The next day we went to Brennan’s house to celebrate my birthday with a few friends. We hung out there for a while, and then he made me dinner at his house. While we were sitting around the fireplace he gave me this promise ring,” she said showing the ring off. She couldn’t stop looking at it; it was so pretty.

“It’s beautiful, what does this mean?” needing to know all the details. She was so excited, and it wasn’t even her news.

“That one day we will get married,” as they walked up the stairs to the second floor they passed Craig, who was talking with Jimmy and Marco.

“Hey Jimmy, hey Marco,” Kelsie said totally giving Craig the cold shoulder, then slightly looked at him giving him the evil eye. You could see the vengeance in her eyes. She was going to make her feelings known no matter what. She wanted to make sure he knew that he was to stay away from her.

“Anything else happen?”

They were still close enough to Craig so he could hear it clearly. Kelsie wanted to hurt Craig; she thought he deserved it all. “Let’s just say afterwards we had one hot night.”

Before Paige could respond she was interrupted, “Could Kelsie Fitzgerald please come to the office, there’s a message for you.”

 “Why don’t we get our books from our locker, and then I’ll come with you to the office since we have first block together,” Paige suggested. By the time, they finished at the office it would soon be time to head to class.

“Okay.” Wondering what it was all about, “I wonder why I would have a message so early in the morning.” It was probably her mother telling her that they wouldn’t be home tonight for dinner, she thought. Like that would be anything new.

“Who knows,” she said grabbing her books, closing her locker, and walking over to Kelsie’s locker.

“Chris made the doubts I was having about a long distance relationship go away. Hopefully by July he will be here, that is if he gets into a University over here.”

“I hope so too, then I’ll finally get to meet him,” wanting to meet the guy that her best friend was always talking about. She wanted to see what he was like in person, if he was as charming as Kelsie keeps on boasting about.

“He might come for spring break, if he has the money.” She would love it if he could meet her new friends.

“That would be great, I know we all want to meet him,” she said as Kelsie slammed her locker shut.

“I know he wants to meet you all, he’s so thankful that you made me feel so welcomed here. He was a little worried that I would have a hard time fitting into a new place,” remembering her first week here, how Craig had introduced her to his friends, and they welcomed her with open arms.

They walked into the office together, “I’m Kelsie Fitzgerald; you have a message for me.”

“Yes, here it is,” the secretary handed it to her.

Kelsie,

You need to phone home right away. It’s an emergency.

Mom

Kelsie pulled out her cell from her purse, her hand shook as she dialed her mother’s cell number, something was up, she just knew it. “Mom, what’s up?”

“I got a phone call after you left for school this morning. She tried calling last night, but she said the phone line was tied up.”

“Who?” she said with great concern. Who would want to talk her so badly? What was up?

“Mrs. Hayes.”

“What did she want?” looking very confused; she had an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She knew something was awfully wrong, she could feel it she wished her mom would just spill it already.

“Hunny, maybe you should just come meet at home first.”

“No,” she shrieked, “I want to know now!!!”

“Okay,” she took a deep breath. “After Chris dropped you off, he was driving and got into a head on collision with a drunk driver.”

“He’s alright, right!” she asked in a harsh tone, as tears began to fill in her eyes. She couldn’t lose him she needed him. He was all she had left in this world. He was the only one that knew her inside out, what would she do without him?

“There was too much damage Hunny; he died before they could get him to the hospital. I’m so sorry!” She felt so awful that her daughter had to go through this, “Why don’t you go home?”

Kelsie didn’t even answer her mom just she dropped the phone. She didn’t cry or anything, she just stood there, looking straight ahead at the wall, not even blinking, the colour in her face was now gone. She was in a state of shock.

Paige saw this, and became alarmed, she knew whatever her mom told her must be really big, “Hun what did she say?”

“He’s…dead,” she said in a whisper as a tear rolled down her cheek. This was her worst nightmare coming true. Her whole body began to feel numb.

“Who?” confused of whom she would be talking about.

“Chris,” she wept.

Paige felt her pain, she put her arm around Kelsie’s shoulder, “Hun, come sit down, tell me about it.”

“His car was hit head on; he died last night. And of course, I had to be on the phone with Ashley, so I didn’t even get the phone call. It’s my entire fault,” she cried out, you could see the guilt in her eyes as she stared at the ground.

“Oh…I’m so sorry, do you want me to drive you home?”

“Huh,” she asked having not really listened to what she had just said. She had too many things going through her mind. She was in a state of shock.

“Do you want me to drive you home?”

“Yeah, that would be nice; I don’t think I could drive even if I tried.” Paige helped Kelsie up, having a hard time getting her to walk since she was in shock still. She felt like her whole world was crashing down around her, and there was nothing she could do about it. Nothing in her world would ever be right again, she thought.

******

Paige walked in the cafeteria at lunch, looking a little down. She had just spent the last couple of hours with Kelsie, as she cried on her shoulder; she eventually tired herself out, and fell asleep.

“Paige where have you been, I’ve been looking for you forever?” Spinner asked with concern, it just wasn’t like her. He glanced at her and noticed that she didn’t seem herself. She usually had a smile on her face, and more upbeat, but today she was nothing like that.

“I was with Kelsie, she’s really upset,” not sure if she should say anymore.

“About what?” Craig asked thinking that it was his fault. He knew she hadn’t gotten over what happened Thursday, not by a long shot. He just didn’t think that being at school would affect her this much, she seemed so happy this morning.

“This morning she found out her boyfriend Chris was killed after dropping her off at the airport.” She could still see Kelsie’s face when she found out.

Craig wanted to run to her, but didn’t know if that would be a good idea after what had happened last week. She might try to hurt him or make her even more upset. You could see the concern in his face, “She must be heartbroken.”

“She’s at home right now sleeping. The worst thing is she was so happy this morning, Chris had given her a promise ring,” she couldn’t even imagine what she was going through.

“We should watch her these next few weeks she’s going to need us,” Ashley suggested. Remembering how tough it was when Craig had lost his father. She would need all their support to get through this.

“Yeah, I agree, but after the cold shoulder she gave me today, I’m not sure if she’ll want me around her,” Craig said, not sure she would forgive him a second time.

“Well you can at least try,” Paige said in a harsh tone; mad that he was thinking of himself at this moment. She didn’t know about the situation at the party, Kelsie never got around to telling her.

“I will, but don’t count on it,” he said sounding very doubtful. He had a feeling that it would only end up bad, but he would at least try.

******

Kelsie walked over to her friends the next day before school, with a big smile on her face. It was as if yesterday never happened, as if it was all a nightmare. She was as if she was in some kind of dream world, pretending that it never happened.

Her friends stared at her with bewilderment. How could she look so happy after losing someone, especially someone she loved?

“Hey you guys, what’s up?” she asked with an upbeat tone.

“Kels…we didn’t expect you to be here today,” Paige said, still trying to understand what was going on. What was wrong with her, she thought. Had she blocked out yesterday or something.

“Why?” acting like she didn’t know the reason to her question.

“Well for one your boyfriend just died,” Ashley pointed out a little rudely. She couldn’t stand the way she was acting; it reminded her too much of the way Craig had acted. She couldn’t stand watching her pretend that everything is okay.

“We all die some time, that’s life.” Rolling her eyes, “It’s not a big deal. I just have to go on and live my life.” She could not believe them; they didn’t have any right to judge her, had they ever lost someone that they loved?

“But it’s only been a day since you found out,” Paige reminded her, trying to get her to open up, to get her to talk to her, or somebody. Keeping it all bottled up wasn’t going to help her.

“Yeah, but what’s the point of crying over it, it’s not going to change anything,” she roared, getting mad that they were pestering about this.

Her friends looked at one another, while she went on. They didn’t know what to say to help her. They were really starting to worry now this wasn’t normal behavior. How do you help someone who acts like nothing happened, denying that they’re not okay?

“Well I have to go meet with a couple of my teachers on what I missed yesterday, talk to you later,” she said as she walked off towards the MI lab.

“Guys she’s not acting normal, she in some state of shock. This is worse than I thought,” Paige stated looking at Kelsie as she walked away from them, hoping that she would be able to get over this so she could properly grieve.

“How can she just act like that so soon?” Jimmy asked, knowing that it didn’t seem normal.

“Probably because she thinks if she mourns then it will become reality. I don’t think she wants to come to terms with it, she not ready to let him go,” Ellie said. Knowing how it felt when she lost her father to the war.  She had been devastated, but tried not to think about it.

“Poor girl,” Paige said leaning on her locker, she felt like she was going to cry. She hated to see how far she was pushing herself to be okay. She just wanted to go to her, and tell her to let it all out. This couldn’t be healthy, she knew from experience.

“She’ll come around, just give her time,” Marco said, putting his arm around her.

“What if she doesn’t? What if she just turns into a totally different person?” Paige asked as tears slid down her cheeks, feeling like she was slowly losing her best friend.

Spinner walked over to her, and pulled her into his arms, rubbing her back, “Paige it’s going to be alright, I promise.”

“I just don’t want to lose her. If she keeps this all bottled up, she’s going to turn away from everything, especially us. She’s become one of my best friends,” she cried. “It’s just so hard to watch her like this.”

He raised her chin so he could look her in the eyes. “We’ll all make sure that doesn’t happen,” he promised, everyone nodded to agree.

******

During the next few weeks, things only got worse. Nobody seemed to know how to reach her. Every time they tried, she would just say that she was fine, or make a reason to leave.

Thursday after school, Paige decided to go and talk to Kelsie about the way she had been acting. It had really affected her behavior; she wasn’t the same person anymore. She had become someone that none of her friends were very fond of anymore. They didn’t even want to be around her with the new attitude of hers, treating them as if they were dirt. She had seemed to make friends with some not so great people.

Paige walked up to her while she was talking to James, a senior, in the hallway by her locker. She tapped her on her shoulder, “Can I talk to you Kelsie?”

“Yeah,” you could hear annoyance in her tone. She was the last person she wanted to talk to; all she ever heard from her was some sort of lecture. It was her life, what right did she have to tell her what to do with it. She turned around, folding her arms in front of her.

“In private,” she said firmly, glaring at James. She didn’t like him one bit, she knew his type; he was only after one thing.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow night,” Kelsie said smiling at James.

Shaking her head, “What’s with you?” she asked in a snarl. She couldn’t believe her newfound attitude.

“What do you mean?” pretending to be all-sweet.

“I mean this new attitude of yours.”

“There’s nothing wrong with it!” she said rudely, offended that she even suggested that. She was glad she was no longer friends with her, because anyone who can’t take her for who she was wasn’t a friend at all.

“Then why do you act like it never happen, that he never existed,” trying to get her to open her eyes, let out any kind of emotion.

“Is me moping around going to bring him back?” she shouted, getting in her face, trying to defend her actions. She didn’t know anything, she thought.

Paige just stared at her, and felt like crying, thinking that she wasn’t the same girl anymore. “No,” she said silently.

“I didn’t think so. So if you wouldn’t mind excusing me, I really need to get to The Dot to meet a few people,” she said turning on her toes, flipping her hair back, and rolling her eyes.

This wasn’t the girl Paige knew a couple weeks ago, this girl was a BITCH; someone that Paige didn’t particularly like anymore. Was it all hopeless, had they really lost her? Paige didn’t know how much longer they could keep on trying to get her back before enough was enough. Just thinking of this made Paige cry again, it seem like that was all she had done these past few weeks. She wished she could stop caring, but she couldn’t.

******

Friday night had come and there was a big party at James’s house. Kelsie was ecstatic about the party. Things were going well, her new and improve self didn’t have time to think about her old life, but especially Chris.

She came in a knock-out outfit, a yellow backless shirt, with a real short light green skirt. She wanted to look hot tonight in hopes of catching the eye of someone, but in the back of her mind, it was because doing this distracted her. And she wanted to do anything to forget.

Kelsie spotted James as she walked in, and strolled right over to him, “Hey,” she said seductively.

“Hey, I’m so glad you came,” he said putting his arm around her waist, bringing her closer to him. He was going to make sure that he got his claws into her tonight.

“So am I,” she smirked, something felt wrong, but she just ignored that feeling. She had become accustom to doing that a lot since it happened.

“I’ve wanted to ask you out for months, but until a month ago I thought you were going with that Craig dude,” he said, checking her out.

“Oh that guy…no never,” she laughed. Not in his lifetime, she thought, he’s caused enough damage to her life as it was.

“Good,” he said leaning in and kissed her on the lips. She opened her mouth to allow him more access. He grabbed her hand, and started to lead her towards the stairs. He was going to get what he wanted tonight.

Kelsie couldn’t right now, she stopped him, putting her hand on his chest, “Why don’t we do a couple of shots first?” If she was going to have sex with him, she didn’t want to have to remember anything, the thought sickened her, but at least she could focus on something else besides the guilt she had buried inside.

“Alright, anything you want,” he said kissing her neck. As long as he eventually got what he wanted, he didn’t care.

******

When Craig walked in the front door he saw Kelsie flirting with James, she had a shot of tequila in between her boobs and a lime in her mouth. He slowly licked the salt off her neck, took the shot from in between her breast, and then took the lime from her mouth. Soon James started kissing her hard on the lips, crushing them, pushing her up against the wall. Just watching this sickened him.

James decided they needed to go somewhere more private, so that he could get his way with her. He started to lead her through the crowd towards the stairs again. Craig saw this, and was outraged; she wasn’t the Kelsie he fell for. He couldn’t let this happen, not when he knew it was so wrong. He walked right up to them, pushed James away from Kelsie, grabbing her by the arm, and took her up to one of the rooms to talk.

“So you’re the jealous type?” she said seductively, putting her arms around his neck, and kissing his lips, forcing him to kiss her back. He had tried to resist, but found it so hard when her soft lips were on his. He began to respond to the kiss, I mean who wouldn’t when they were in love with the person.

He stopped the kiss, tearing her arms from around his neck. It took a lot of will power to stop it, but he knew it wasn’t right. “Kelsie, why are you doing this?” he asked staring into her eyes, trying to find the reason to all of this.

“Don’t you want me; isn’t that what you said in your song?” she sneered, getting up in his face.

“You know I do, but not like this, not while you’re still hurting. Not when this isn’t really what you want,” trying to break through the big wall she had built up. He wanted to be able to reach her, to let her friends help her through this, so she could move forward.

“I feel nothing, I’m just numb,” she yelled. She hadn’t felt anything since that day in the office. Losing him had been like losing a part of her soul, the part that had allowed her to have any type of feeling.

“So you just throw yourself at guys?” he threw back at her, regretting it the moment it came out of his mouth.

“Go to Hell!” she shouted, storming towards the door. Who was he really to point a finger at, I bet he’s done things he regretted, she thought.

“Doing this isn’t going to make you forget,” he yelled. He was almost ready to give up on the hope of bringing her back to them.

Kelsie stopped in her tracks, slowly turning around to face him, “Why him? Chris didn’t deserve to die; he had so much to live for. He had a bright future ahead of him he was going to school to be a doctor; he really wanted to help people, especially kids. But no, he’s never going to get to do that,” she screamed in fury that he had been taken so early, taken from her. Tears came flowing down like a river; all the emotion that she had bottled up for the last month.

Craig gazed upon her, and brushed the tears away from her cheek, “I know how hard this is; I lost my mother, and my father. When I went through this, I tried to kill myself. I wanted the pain to go away so bad, but I had a friend who helped me see that wasn’t the way. That in time the pain would be healed.”

Kelsie sat on the bed, feeling so helpless, “What am I going to do without him, he believed in me when I didn’t even believe in myself. Who’s going to believe in me now?” Now that he was gone she felt so alone even though she far from that.

Craig sat beside her on the bed, draping his arm around her shoulder, bringing her closer to him, “There are other people in this world that believe in you.”

“Like whom?” looking up at him, feeling that was unlikely, especially after the way she had treated them.

Looking into her eyes with so much care, smiling “Like me.”

“You do,” she asked gazing up at him. You could see that she had no confidence in herself.

“Why else would I have gotten you to sing at your party?” he said with sincerity.

Kelsie laid her head on his shoulder, looking at her ring, with her hand out, “He gave me this ring for my birthday as a promise ring, but I don’t feel like I even deserve it.”

“Why?” To him she deserved the world if that was what she wanted.

Kelsie stood up, looking back at him, “Because I cheated on him, and never found the courage to even tell him. When I was there, he knew something was wrong, but I told him it was nothing, that I was fine. I was scared how he might react, I loved him so much!”

“I can see that now, I’m sorry for saying that you were lying,” he said holding her in his arms, stroking her hair.

“I know you are,” taking a deep breath, “but you weren’t totally wrong.” She had promised herself she wouldn’t ever tell him this, but what could it really hurt now.

He pulled back from her, he was stunned by what he just heard, “What do you mean?”

“I was drawn to you, we were so similar to each other, and you seemed to understand me just like my boyfriend did, but I had to ignore it because Chris was who I wanted to spend my life with.”

“Wow,” he was astounded to hear those words, but now wasn’t the time to really talk about that. Now was the time for her to heal from the pain she was keeping close to her heart.

“Before I left Vancouver we were talking about when he moved here how much better it would be, that we would never be apart from each other again.” Just thinking about it brought more tears to her eyes.

“Nothing ever happens how we would like it; just remember that he loved you,” trying to help her feel better, even though it was hard for him to say it, when he was harboring feelings for her

“I don’t know how to move on without him…I’m scared.”

“Your friends will help you through this; we’ll be your shoulder to cry on, day or night. I know Paige wants to help real badly.”

Kelsie stared at the ground, “I doubt that…I was so horrible to her these last few weeks; she probably hates me now, especially after the scene yesterday.”

“If you apologize then I think you guys can get through it,” knowing that Paige longed for the old Kelsie to come back.

“Thanks!”

“Now after you left for Sechelt, the boys and I were talking, and they would love it if you joined our band as a vocalist, and guitarist.” He was hoping that it would get her mind off the bad.

“That would be awesome, a perfect way to honor Chris,” remembering the many times he would beg her to play a song for their friends.

“Why would that be?” a little confused.

“He would be so proud to know that I finally showing my talent. He was always trying to get me to sing for everyone.”

Hearing her say that made him jump back into reality, he loved her, but knowing that her heart belonged to another hurt. “Yeah, and maybe it will help you get your mind off things.”

“I’m forever grateful to you for getting me out of the rut I was in. I don’t think I would have gotten out of it without someone really pushing me as you did. I mean I tried to get out, but then I kept thinking of the guilt I felt, and it made me want all the pain to go away. The more I was mean and not myself, the more I didn’t have to feel like the old me and the guilt that lay forever on my heart.”

Craig smiled, “You know I would do anything you.”

“Yeah I do,” she leaned up and kissed him on the lips, “You’re my best friend, and I couldn’t ask for a better one.” Changing the subject before he could respond, “Now we probably should go back downstairs before someone starts to think something happened between the two of us,” she joked, nudging him.

“It wouldn’t be that bad for people to think,” he joked.

“You’re bad,” she shoved him out the door.

“Yeah I know,” he grabbed her hand; they walked down the hall, down the stairs.