Kelsie and Ava were coming home from the hospital today. It had been a week since she had woken up, and still there had been no signs of her memory coming back. Kelsie was actually having a hard time dealing with there being a hole in her memory, a life she didn’t even remember having; she hated it so much. She wanted to know so badly, especially wanting to know how she could be with anyone but her true love.

She also wanted to know what had put her in the hospital in the first place. Had she been arguing with someone like last time?

As she walked into her parent’s home, something felt familiar about it. It felt like a house that was filled with happiness, something different than she felt when living in Sechelt. She walked around the first floor, while Chris carried Ava in, taking her upstairs for a nap.

She could hear voices in her head of conversations, but they were too vague to make whom they were with.

Her mom Karen walked in, “Hey!”

Startled by her mom, “Oh, hi,” she smiled. “This is a nice place you guys have got.”

“Yeah, but now that you’re gone, it seems a little too big for us.”

“Will someone please tell me how I got here, to knowing nothing about this place,” she pleaded in great anguish. Chris wouldn’t tell her a thing, even when she begged him to.

Putting her arm around her daughter, “Hunny you know we can’t do that. The doctor said that it wouldn’t be good for your progress. You know I would do it if I could.” She really felt for her, she knew this had to be really hard on her, waking up one-day not knowing years of her life, years that had be life changing in more ways then one.

“Just waiting for it to come back is killing me. I want to know how I could end up with Craig when for as long as I can remember my heart has always been with Chris. I mean it must have killed Chris, and yet he still took me back,” tears began to fall from her eyes, which she felt like she had been doing a lot of lately.

“Kels believe me things were so different when that happened. Don’t torment yourself over it.”

“How can I not, I mean I have a child with a guy that I don’t remember, or love.”

Karen couldn’t help but wonder if her daughter would ever just once have a break without something going and ruining it all. She hoped that Ava would be the answer to all of this.

Chris lay on the bed in Kelsie’s room, watching Ava sleep on his chest. She looked so peaceful, like an angel. He was glad that they were finally able to bring her home, and in a couple of days they would be back home in their new house.

“I know I’m not your real dad Ava, but I promise you that I will always be there for you when you need me. I will treat you how I would have treated your sister, my little girl, if she was still with us. You’ll be my little Princess.” He laughed just thinking of how this little girl already had him wrap around her little finger. Slowly falling asleep himself, he finally felt like he could rest and not have to worry.

******

Kelsie walked outside onto the deck, when a memory came to her.

Am I crazy for wanting you
Baby do you think you could want me too
I don't waste your time
Do you see things the way I do
I just want to know that you feel it too
There is nothing left to hide

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t be mad at you.”

“I’m sorry too,” feeling guilty about what he told the boys.

Kelsie didn’t know what he had to be sorry about. “Just wait a sec. I’m coming down.” She ran down the stairs to the deck door. She came outside, and sat on a deck chair near Craig.

Craig sets his guitar down, and sits beside her, “Kels, I still have a hard time trusting people. And it will take time for me to fully let you in." Grabbing her hand, “But look how much I let you know already since I met you. Most of those things people don’t know about.”

“I know, and I was thinking, that was enough for now. When you’re ready, I know you’ll tell me.” Leaning into him, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” kissing her on the forehead.

“Oh my I actually loved Craig,” feeling guilty, she sat down on the deck chair thinking of how she could have fallen for him; knowing how she loved Chris so, it was hard to fathom.

“You seem deep in thought,” Craig said as he walked up onto the deck from the yard.

“Yeah, I was,” smiling at him slightly. Glancing at him, wondering what about this boy made her fall for him. Was it his charm, his love for music that she had been hearing about, or something else?

“So what about?” sitting next to her.

“I remembered the night you come outside my balcony and sang me a song I know I heard before that night.”

Craig wondered if that was all she remembered, or if there was more. “Yeah it was a song I had wrote for you for you birthday.”

Kelsie didn’t know what to say, “Could I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“How long were we together?” hoping he would answer her question.

“Over six months.”

“Did I hurt you when I didn’t end up staying with you?”

“Yeah, but I guess things happen for a reason. I believe that we were together to help me learn to open up my heart to others,” believing that if he didn’t he might not have ever truly opened up to Emma otherwise.

“I guess we did get a beautiful little girl out of it,” smiling just thinking of Ava, and how much she meant to her. She was her little miracle, a child she wasn’t sure she wouldn’t ever be able to have after what had happened last time.

“Very true!” He began to get sad just thinking of them leaving. “So when do you and Chris head back to Victoria?”

“Friday, we’re going to drive my car back with us. We don’t think we want to take Ava on a plane, her being only a few weeks and all.”

“Yeah, probably is best.”

“So when are you moving to Victoria?”

Looking a little surprised, “How did you know that, I haven’t said anything about that since you woke up?”

“I don’t know, it just came to me,” she smiled. She actually thought now that there was a chance of her getting her full memory soon. She had to hug him, she felt so happy.

“I’m glad you’re starting to come back to us. I know everyone will be ecstatic, especially Chris.”

“I know I will be better too when I know everything because I hate this empty feeling.”

“I bet. Now for the reason I came, to see Ava so where is she?”

“She’s actually sleeping right now with Chris. Are you hungry?”

“Yeah.”

“Why don’t we go out to eat, then I can grab something for Chris when he wakes up.”

“Sounds good,” getting up from the chair.

******

“So Em where’s Craig today, why isn’t he at school?” Manny asked as they sat in Media Immersion class, not really paying attention to their teacher who was speaking.

“He wanted to spend some time with Ava before she heads home to the west coast,” she replied.

“He really adores her…doesn’t he?” starting to wonder how it would have been if she had their child, but then things wouldn’t have happened with J.T and she wouldn’t want to take that away for anything in the world. J.T was her future, the man she knew in the far future that she would marry.

“Yeah, I don’t know what he’s going to do once she’s gone. I mean it’s going to be almost 3 months before he sees her again.”

“You mean he’s leaving for U Vic 2 months early?” surprised that he would do that to Emma, knowing they had limited amount of time.

“Yeah,” sounding a little down about it, but she totally understood why he was doing it, and she couldn’t blame him.

“What are you going to do?” concerned how her friend was going to deal. She couldn’t believe that Craig would be so selfish not to want to spend as much time as he had left with Emma. It’s not as if he wouldn’t see Ava a lot once he was down there. It seemed a little suspicious to her.

“I’m thinking of going to visit him August,” a plan that she had come up with last night. She knew that she couldn’t last until Christmas time before seeing him, 6 months would be way to long.

“Wow then you’re going to be without him for a year. I don’t think I would be able to do that if I was in the same situation.” Doing that would probably be emotionally draining, and real hard on the both of you not knowing what the other one was really doing. She wasn’t really sure how anyone did it, especially if you never got to see each other, you miles just have a boyfriend online cause that’s what it is probably like.

“I know it will be hard, but if I want to be with Craig then I’ve got to make it work,” feeling like she had to plead her case to her best friend. Could she not understand when you love someone you would do anything to be with him or her, do anything to make it work.

“I hope you can because I’ve never seen you so happy, and after everything you been through you deserve it.”

“Thanks,” she said giving her a best friend a smile.

******

Craig and Kelsie arrived at The Dot.  She began feeling weird, getting a bad feeling about this place, but where was it coming from? It was only a restaurant so how can that be.

“So what do you want?” Craig asked.

She looked at the menu, “Just some fries, all of a sudden I’m not too hungry.” She couldn’t help but have a strange feeling about this place.

Craig began to wonder what was wrong, he knew Kelsie only got like this when something was bothering her, but he decided just to let it go. “Alright.”

They sat down at a table by the door, “So how’s Emma taking the whole thing with you having a daughter?” Knowing that it couldn’t be easy on any relationship, especially one that you have when you’re young.

“Much better than when she first found out. She’ll adjust with time; I know she will make a great stepmom.” She was great with kids; he had seen how she was with her brother and his sister.

“I’m sure she will. Is she upset that you’re leaving?”

“Well I was going to go to U Vic before I found out you were pregnant. However, she is a little sad that I’m leaving ahead of schedule. It’s only going to be a year before she comes to live anyways.”

“Yeah well I guess she can’t wait until then.”

“Neither can I, I mean she’s the only other girl that I’ve ever loved. She gets me like most others don’t. Without her I don’t think I could have gotten through our break-up.”

“It’s good to see you happy.” She didn’t know where this was all coming from, but inside she was beginning to feel the connection that they once had shared.

Taking his wallet out, and putting a little bit of a tip down on the table, “Why don’t we head back and see if that little girl of ours is up.”

“Alright!” she smiled, rising from her seat, heading towards the door.

******

Kelsie and Craig walked into her room to find Ava sleeping on Chris’s chest. It warmed her heart, to see how much Chris already adored a child that wasn’t his. She hated to disturb them.

She felt it was getting a little warm in the room so she decided to open up her balcony door. Just looking at the door, she all of a sudden she heard breaking glass in her mind, but she saw nothing to indicate that. Was she going crazy or was this more memories that she didn’t understand?

As Kelsie, walked back in she gazed over at Craig; an overwhelming feeling came over her, her total face turned. Craig quickly noticed this, “Kels what’s wrong?”

It was all coming back to her, the fights, the fall; she grew with rage, “I want you out of my house…now!” she screamed.

“What?” confused by her sudden change of mood, “Why?”

“Because you’re the reason that I almost lost my Ava.”

Oh no this was what he was scared would happen, but he wouldn’t give up without a fight. “She’s my child too, you can’t keep her away from me,” he yelled back.

Glaring at him, “Just watch me,” she sneered. After the harm he had caused he didn’t deserve the right to be with his child.

Chris was awoken by all the commotion. Trying not to wake Ava, he gently picked her up and laid her in the bassinette. He slowly walks up to her, “What’s wrong?” confused by her sudden anger.

Pointing at Craig, “He’s what’s wrong. He’s the reason for my non-stop problems since I’ve come back. He tried buttering me up while I couldn’t remember, hoping that I would just forget what he caused. But I will never forget that my baby almost died because of all he did.”

You could feel the animocity between the two of them. “Kels, you’re not thinking clearly,” knowing how far that was from the truth. He knew how hurt she felt after he had said those cruel things; just remembering what happened right before the accident probably pushed her overboard.

“Chris I am, after all he has said to me. I can’t believe you’re taking his side.” When had he become a fan of Craig’s? Because since they had arrived in Toronto, he hadn’t been in Chris’s good books.

“There’s more to this than you realize,” having heard the whole story already.

“I don’t care. I will not let Ava be anywhere near a guy who would deliberately hurt me.”

Craig stood there hurt by those words; how could she just take that right away from him. He loved her so much! Tears trembled down his face, wetting his shirt, but he knew that this could be a possibility when she regained her memory. He just always prayed that when she did remember she would rethink for their daughter’s sake. “Chris there’s no point,” lowering his head, gloomy about what was happening, “she’s not going to budge. Thanks for trying though.”

Craig left the room, slowly walking to the stairs. He felt like his heart had been torn into pieces. A life without his daughter, it seemed so hard to imagine now that she had come into his world.

“Kelsie this isn’t like you, you wanted Ava to have her father in her life, even when your friends tried to change your mind,” he pleaded, trying to get her to change her mind. He saw the look in Craig’s face, and he knew that if she didn’t change her mind it would kill him. He had become just attached to his daughter as he had.

“Well that was before he pushed me too far. Saying all those horrible things, stressing me out too much which caused me to go in labor and make me fall down the stairs.”

“Well when I talked to him in the hospital when you were rushed in there for the C-Section, he said he was really sorry about what happened, and what was said. I really think you should give him a chance.”

“Well you know what…I don’t share that same view. I can’t forget the pain this whole trip has cost. I just don’t want my daughter to be hurt by him.” It seemed that he only knew how to cause pain. She remembered their relationship and how she always felt hurt by something he had done, it seemed like she made herself forget the wonderful times they shares.

“Fine, I’m not going to argue with you.” He could feel how wrong this felt in his heart, but she was stubborn. He would give her time, and hope she would realize it on her own.

******

Paige, Ashley, and Kelsie went out for coffee before she had to leave the next day. They hadn’t got to see her much since she had been released from the hospital. This would be their last chance to see her for a long while.

Paige was very careful to keep the subject off Craig; they didn’t want to get her mad. They wanted her to have a nice day, a day she could remember. It would be a long while until they would get a chance to all hang out.

“So Paige I talked to Brennan yesterday, and he really wants to meet you. He saw some pictures when they were unloading the van into our house, and he thinks you’re real hot,” she laughed.

“What?” astonished by this.

“Yeah, he hopes that you’ll come down this summer so that he can get to know you.” She loved setting her friends up, she thought that they would really suit each other.

“I’ll have to think about it,” she smirked. She could see in Kelsie’s face that she just totally loved this. Maybe dating someone that wasn’t part of her life here would be good, and maybe even fun.

“So Ash, do you think that you and Jimmy will end up moving in together in the near future?” curious to know if they were ready for something like that in their relationship.

“Yeah, maybe after college, I mean it would be nearly impossible to do it otherwise since our colleges aren’t close enough to each other.”

“Yeah, I get what you mean. At least you both will be close enough to visit each other,” she grinned. They rather reminded her of Chris and herself, destined to be with one another, not many can say that they found their soul mate in high school.

******

Craig walked into Kelsie’s living room, feeling a little edgy, feeling like he could be caught at any moment. He didn’t want to make her madder than she was, but he really wanted to see his sweet Ava before she went and left his life for what may be forever.

“Chris do you think this really is a good idea; what if she comes home?” not wanting to have Kelsie to have more things to hang against him.

“She’s out with the girls, we’ve got plenty of time,” he tried to reassure him. He hated lying to Kelsie, but he thought he was doing the right thing. He knew that in the bottom of her heart she knew Ava needed her real dad.

Chris planted Ava in Craig’s arms. Craig face lit up; as he looked at Ava, it made him stop worrying. She was so beautiful! As long as he was with her, he felt like nothing else mattered in the world, that nothing could hurt them.

“Craig when you move to Victoria, I’ll try to get her away so that you can see her, but maybe by then Kels will have changed her mind.”

He didn’t understand why he was being so nice, unsure why he would risk everything for someone he barely knew. He thought he would be thrilled to get the chance to raise his child as his own. “Why are you doing this? Why are jeopardizing your own relationship with Kelsie?”

“Because I’ve come to realize how much Ava and you need each other, and I believe that you both deserve that chance.”

“I really appreciate this, because I don’t know how I would go on with my life without seeing her sweet face ever again,” feeling like he could cry. Never seeing her again would be worse then dying.

The boys were in such a deep conversation, that they didn’t even hear the front door close. In walked Kelsie and the girls, as Kelsie glazed into the living room, her face began to burn up with anger, with eyes that could kill. She was about to speak up, and yell at the top of her lungs, but something inside her stopped her. She noticed Craig’s face as he cradled Ava in his arms; it beamed with so much love. It reminded her of the way he used to look at her; her anger was soon melted away.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Kelsie asked, scaring both of the boys. Paige and Ashley worried that there was going to be another fight. She just wished that this would just end between the two of them, that they would just get along, if not because they used to be best friends, then for the daughter they shared.

“I can explain,” Chris said as he stood up, staring back at her.

“No, let me talk,” she said calmly.

Oh here it comes, Craig thought, believing that he had just hindered Chris and her relationship, and made matters worse for the both of them. Maybe this was a bad idea just like he thought when he first arrived here.

“We both said some horrible things that we shouldn’t have, but I know now that it wasn’t the real you talking. I shouldn’t have taken my anger for you out on our daughter. Chris was right…she does need her father. When I saw you with her just now, I just knew that you both need each other. And I don’t want to be like Manny, taking away your flesh and blood,” feeling a sighof relief come over her. She knew in her heart that she had done the right thing for the both of them.

Joy was filled in Craig’s eyes; he hadn’t heard such wonderful news since Kelsie had said that she loved him, “Thank you.”

Kelsie walked over to him, and hugged him, “You’re welcome.”

“So what are we going to do now?” wondering how they would work this out. He wanted to be as much part of her life as he could.

“Well when we leave, I’ll keep you updated every week until you arrive in Victoria,” thinking that was probably the best way. “Then when you’re here you can see her when ever you want to.”

“Sounds good.” Looking down at Ava, “But I’m going to miss this little one until then,” leaning in, and kissing her forehead.

******

The months had passed by so fast; Emma didn’t want to let him go, she wanted this second to last forever. Pulling out of her grip, “Come on Em, I’ve got to go, or I’ll miss my flight,” Craig pleaded with her, he didn’t want to leave either but he knew he had to. His life was somewhere else now.

Looking down with a sad voice, “I know.” Saying good-bye was the hardest thing she had to do.

“I’ll miss you too.” He pulled her into one last hug, just before leaning in for a sweet, but passionate kiss, a kiss that had to last them until they saw each other once again.

He began walking away, “I love you,” she hollered.

“I love you too,” he mouthed as he walked backwards through the door. Trying to make every moment last, wanting to see her face as long as he could. It would be a long while before he laid eyes on it again.

Tears ran down her face, it was so hard to watch her love walk out of her life. She knew she would see him again, it just felt like forever before it would be that time. What was she going to do this summer? It seemed like all her friends had a special someone to spend it with and she was stuck all by herself.