Emma just stood there with her hand on his shoulder looking into his eyes. His eyes were glistening and it looked like he was going to cry if he lost Emma again. All the times he screwed up only made him want to be a better person, especially for her. She was and still is his reason for doing things. If he didn’t stay in Wasaga then he and Ellie might still be together so there would be no room for Emma to be in his life. It had been about five minutes and they were still doing what they were doing before. Emma’s hand was on his shoulder and they were both looking into each other’s eyes as if they already know the outcome would be. Finally Emma sat down next to him and gathered her thoughts.

 

“Sean, you said you wanted to talk so can we talk.” She shrugged a little. “Emma I am so sorry. You don’t know how sorry I am. If-” Sean was cut off by Emma and he figured it wouldn’t be good. “No, Sean stop saying you are sorry. You say it way too many times. Every time you screw up we go through the same thing. You say sorry and I forgive you, then you promise not to break my heart. In the end you always end up screwing up again and breaking your promise.” She said, but it wasn’t in a cold harsh tone like he thought it would be. “I know that’s how it always ends up but what else can we do? Emma I love you. I really, really love you. I can’t imagine my life with anyone else.” Sean turned his head in the other direction so Emma didn’t have to see his facial expression when she said that she didn’t feel the same. To his surprise he was wrong. “Sean, look at me. I love you so much. More than you love me but I can’t keep doing this. My heart keeps breaking and my friends and family try to help but nothing works. You are the only person who can fix me.” “I know I keep hurting you and I understand if you don’t want to even speak to me again. It’s just...” It took him a while to figure out what he was going to say. “It’s just that, well how do I put this? You are my reason for things. If it weren’t for you I would have been back here in Wasaga days after I transferred to Toronto. You helped me keep my grades up and you made me a better person. What means the most to me is that you didn’t look at me and say ‘Oh well he looks bad and he is a trouble maker so I shouldn’t even bother with him’ like everyone else did. That means so much to me Em. And I know I don’t always show how much I love you or how much I appreciate things but it’s the truth.” There was a really long silence before someone spoke. “Sean I know you are sorry and appreciate everything and I believe everything you are saying but I can’t, I just can’t. You hurt me and this time I don’t think I can forgive you.” She was crying now. “Emma don’t cry. Please don’t cry. I can’t stand seeing you like this. It hurts me.” “Hurts you? Sean you don’t know the first thing about hurt. I’ve gotten hurt so many times by you over the stupidest things. You have never been hurt.” Emma was still crying but she was kind of yelling at him because he thinks he knows how she feels and he doesn’t, or so she thinks. “Yes I do Emma. Back in grade seven when I pushed you I was so mad at myself. I let my anger get the best of me and for weeks I tried getting you to talk to me. Even if you didn’t want to hook up again that was fine, but I couldn’t stand you not talking to me. I only went to Toby’s house because he said you were going to be there and that you were fine if I went. I figured that you didn’t hate me anymore but when you got there and found out I was there you got mad and wanted to leave. Emma, I cried okay. I have never cried over a girl before. You are the only one. Ashley was on E and she brought me into her room to talk. I was vulnerable and I didn’t know what was happening until it was too late. We just started making out. I have to live with that everyday, knowing that I hurt you and then made out with someone else.” “Oh Sean, you think that’s hurt? It’s not. You want hurt why don’t you take a good look at what you did to me. Pushing me wasn’t what hurt the most. What hurt me the most was that you ditched me for Jay and his hoodlum friends because I wouldn’t make out with you in public. Then I come up here and visit you to find out that there is some other girl. The sad thing is she looks just like me but with darker hair. I would never do that to you Sean. I love you way too much, but I think it’s best if I try getting over you.” Emma was still crying and Sean sat there ashamed. She got up and was about to walk away but Sean grabbed her arm hard. She ended up falling into his lap. He put his fingers up to her face and brushed her tears away. He went in for a kiss and this time Emma wasn’t going to pull away and he would make sure of that. His arms were wrapped around her so she could hardly move. After what seemed like forever they pulled apart. “Emma I love you so much. I can’t lose you.” “I know you do but I just can’t do this anymore. We fight then we make up and kiss then you screw up again.” She got up and walked away.

Emma slowly made her way back to where the other girls where. She looked so sad when the girls saw her. They all figured that she would be happy after she thought about things and went to go talk to Sean, but apparently that wasn’t what happened.

 

“Em, what’s up? You look kind of, well sad.” Manny said. “Yeah hun, we thought that after you thought things over you would go talk to Sean and everything would be good. What happened?” Paige asked her friend in concern. Hazel just sat there and nodded. Then Emma started to cry. “Emma come here hunny.” Hazel said. Emma walked over to Hazel who was sitting at a picnic table. Hazel gave her a big hug and Emma sat down next to her. “Well I don’t know what happened. We talked and then he said he didn’t want to lose me ever. We kissed for a really long time and then I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. We fight and break up then the next thing you know we are together again and making out. It’s so confusing. I really love him. Probably more than all three of you combined have ever loved anyone. I just can’t seem to forgive him. Every time that thought comes into my head I just break down and cry.” Emma rushed out of her mouth. “Oh Em, it will be okay. Don’t worry.” Manny said. “No Manny, nothing will be okay. I love him so much and he wants me back but I don’t think I can handle going back to him. Does that even make sense?” “Emma of course it makes sense. In your heart you want him but you don’t know if you are ready to do it all over again because you’re afraid he will break your heart again,” Hazel said. “Well it’s getting late. We need to leave. Emma are you ready?” Paige asked. “Yeah, come on lets go.” As they were walking to the bus stop Sean passed them. His head hung low and when he did look up his eyes were all red and glistening. He mouthed to Hazel ‘Tell her I love her’ and then went back to his head hanging low.

 

The bus ride home was silent. None of the girls said a word to each other. This trip was in some ways good but in other ways terrible. At least Emma and Sean got to talk. Manny was trying to think of a way to get Emma and Sean back together but she thought it best to stay out of it. As a matter of fact, all the girls thought it would be best if they left that whole situation alone and never spoke a word of today anytime soon. When they arrived back in Toronto they said their goodbyes and walked back to their houses. Paige and Hazel walked together because they live near each other, but the other two girls walked by themselves.

 

“Emma how was it?” Her mother asked. “Just great, I cried at least three times and random people on the streets stopped and stared. Sean and I talked and I cried some more. We kissed twice. We yelled at each other. By the end of the day both Sean and I had cried. So I would say my day was fantastic.” Emma said sarcastically through tears. “Emma I am so sorry. Why don’t you go down to your room or something? I was going to have you babysit but forget that. You need some time to yourself. I will order Chinese or something okay?” “You can go out if you want mom. But yeah Chinese sounds good.” “No Em, you need time to gather your thoughts. I mean look at you, you are going to flood the floor that’s how sad you look. And those tears just keep coming. So go down in your room. Let me know if you need anything though.” Emma didn’t feel like arguing so she went down to her room.

 

She turned on the radio and Three Doors Down’s 'Let Me Go' was on. It only made Emma cry even more. The song was over and she was still crying. That song had so much meaning to her. She realized she had the CD so she put it in and repeated that song over and over again until her mom knocked on the door. She turned her CD player off.

 

“Emma your food is here. I will bring it down for you to eat okay?” “Okay, thanks mom.” Her mother brought down her food and she ate it in her room. She was never allowed to do that so her mom obviously knew she wasn’t in a good mood.

 

After she was done eating she turned her CD player back on and repeated that same song over and over again until she finally fell asleep. She woke up the next morning twenty minutes before she had to. Emma took a shower and then went back down in her room. She opened her closet and decided what to wear. Finally she picked out a pair of blue faded hip huggers with a blueish green tank top and her white flip flops. For make up she wore mascara and her favorite lip lop, which was vanilla. After she finished getting ready she went upstairs and left for school. It was early but she didn’t feel like having Hazel, Manny, and Paige talk to her about the other day.

 

On her way to school she saw a moving truck pass her. It wasn’t big so she figured it was for one person or a newly married couple just starting out. She figured they were moving into the house down the street from her but she didn’t pay attention to that. Emma finally got to school and went to her locker. She slid down to the floor and started crying. She pulled her knees to her chest and hung her head low. There were footsteps and voices coming in her direction which caused her to shoot up her head and look around. One voice was her principal but she wasn't sure of the other one. It sounded like Sean’s voice. But no, it couldn’t be. He was in Wasaga. Just then the two people turned the corner only to stop and find Emma sitting there crying.

 

“Emma is that you?” Mr. Raditch asked. “Um, well yeah. I’m sorry. I just thought I would come to school early. My house is a little crazy and I needed somewhere quiet to think. I can go wait outside if you want me to?” “No Emma that’s fine. Actually I want you to show Sean here where some of his classes are since we changed things around after he left.” Emma’s eyes widened. She had to show Sean where his classes were. That meant she had to be with him and talk to him. It was too much for her to take. Of all the people to come to Degrassi it had to be him. “Sure, I guess I could show him around.” Emma said, and then mumbled something under her breath. “Not that he is ever going to go to his classes.” She said quietly. “What was that?” Mr. Raditch said. “Oh, nothing. Well we better get going Sean. School starts soon.” She said with a cold tone to her voice. Then Mr. Raditch left, leaving Emma and Sean there alone. Who knows what rude comments were going to come out.

 

“Well are you going to stand there or are you actually going to show me around?” “Oh, so now you are going to actually go to all your classes? What? Find a new girlfriend already Sean?” She said harshly. “Emma come on. You aren’t being fair.” “I’m not being fair? Sean I told you I can’t do this anymore. I need to get over you and I can’t do that if you go to school here. Oh and I am guessing that the moving truck I saw go by my house this morning was yours?” “Yeah it is. I didn’t know I was going to end up living down the street from you. I’m sorry.” “Why are you even back here? What happened to Brittany?” Emma said. “I’m back here because I want to be. I didn’t like it up there. I missed my friends and I missed this school. Most of all I missed you Em. And Brittany is over with.” “So what are you going to do now? Find another girl whose pants you can get into and then ditch her? And don’t tell me you missed me Sean.” “Emma what the hell is your problem? That was so uncalled for. And I did miss you. Last I checked you didn’t own me so I can say whatever I want to whomever I want. Deal with it.” She just stared at him. She was happy he was back but she couldn’t let him or anyone else know that. “Whatever Sean, just stay out of my way and don’t ruin anything for me.” Emma went to go walk away but he grabbed her arm and pinned her against some lockers. “What are you doing?” She asked. He didn’t say anything. Instead he leaned in and kissed her long and hard. Emma pulled away. “Sean, don’t ever do that again.” Emma was pissed off at him now. “Come on Emma, you know you liked it. You know you want more.” She could have done without the last comment. She didn’t know what to say so she slapped him and walked away.

 

 

 

 

Chapter Fifteen

 

People started coming into the school which meant the bell was going to ring any second. Sean had no clue where some of his classes were and he still had a red handprint on the side of his face from where Emma had slapped him. People walking by saw it and either laughed or talked to their friends about it. Just then Sean saw Paige, Hazel, and Manny walk into school so he rushed up to them.

 

“Paige, Hazel, Manny, look I need a favor. I know-” Sean was cut off by Manny. “Sean what are you doing here? And if the favor has anything to do with Emma forget it. Last time we interfered which was yesterday she went home crying her eyes out and stayed in her room with some weird song on repeat. When we called her she told her mom she didn’t want to talk to anyone. Emma is going through a hard time right now and us interfering again is only going to make it worse.” “Well okay then I will have to do it myself then. But I moved here. Turns out I live down the street from Emma. But anyway, do you know where Mr. Lutzaski’s room is? I have him for math.” “Yeah, I have him for math too. Right now actually.” “Okay well do you want to show me?” “Oh, sure. Bye Hazel. Bye Paige. See you two at lunch.” Then Manny and Sean walked off to Mr. Lutzaski’s room.

 

“Sean I’m going to warn you. Emma is in this class and I kind of sit next to her. So it might be a good idea if you don’t sit next to me.” Sean was confused a little because he knew Manny wasn’t mad at him anymore. “Actually I think I will just sit wherever there is an open seat.” They walked into the classroom and Sean went up to Mr. Lutzaski and told him he was new. “Class listen up, we have a new student here with us today. His name is Sean Cameron. He went here last year but then moved. Sean you can go sit next to um…” He said while looking for an empty seat. “Oh okay, Sean you sit next to Emma.” When he said this Emma stopped talking to Manny and gave Sean the dirtiest look. “Sean go take your seat.” Sean walked to his seat next to Emma. Then the announcements came on.  Sean ignored them and decided to talk to Emma.

 

“Emma look I didn’t know I was going to be in any of your classes, nor did I know I would end up sitting next to you. Just make the best of it.” “Make the best of it? Sean you broke my heart, kissed me, made my cry, move down the street from me, kiss me again, and now I have to sit next to you. You can’t be serious when you tell me to make the best of it. The best of it would be you not moving here so I could try to move on.” She snapped. “Emma I know what you are going through.” “I doubt you do Sean. I-” “I know what happened last night. You had some song on repeat and wouldn’t let anyone talk to you. To top it off you cried yourself to sleep.” Emma’s mouth was open. He couldn’t have known that unless someone told him or he called and her mother told him. “How did you know that?” “Well for one, someone told me and I did the same thing as you.” Her mouth made a perfect “O” because she didn’t expect him to cry especially since it was over her. “You, you cried over me?” “Aw Emma don’t get too excited. Yeah I cried over you because I love you so much and I moved here to work things out but if you want to kiss me and then slap me as hard as you did so I have to go around school with a red mark on my face you have another thing coming.” With that said he focused his attention on the rest of the announcements. Emma was stunned. He had actually cried over her. She took out a piece of paper and wrote something on it. Then she gave it to Sean.

 

Sean meet me on the steps today during lunch. I want to talk.

 

'Well at least she wants to talk' he thought to himself. That is a lot better than having her ignore him or make rude comments. The day went by so slow. He was waiting for the final bell to ring before lunch so he and Emma could talk. Finally, it came. Sean went to his locker and got his things. He was just about to go meet Emma on the steps when he heard a bunch of girls talking about him.

 

“Yeah I heard she is going to whip him in shape. You know maybe play with him a little. Kiss him like she did on the beach and then slap him hard in front of everyone. Ha. Maybe he will even blurt out to the whole school his feelings for her again.” A random girl said. Then her friend said something. “Poor Sean though. I mean I feel kind of bad. He told her and the whole school practically, his feelings for her while she was making out with Jay. Then when he left they were still making out. After a while they stopped but I think they skipped the rest of the day.” The third girl said something that made Sean angry. “Yeah I think they did skip school for the rest of the day. I heard she and Jay went to the ravine. You know what that means don’t you? Bracelets plus a van equals a hook up of some sort.” Sean’s face was red. He was so mad. But no, that can’t be true. Emma hooked up with Jay and got an STD before, she learned her lesson. He walked outside and found Emma standing there. But she wasn’t standing alone. She was with some guy. Once the guy turned around he realized it was Jay. They were talking and then jay hugged Emma, moving his hands down to her ass. Then he left. Sean finally went outside after he left.

 

Emma walked up to him and kissed him. “Whoa Emma, what’s that for?” “Well I thought about everything. I love you Sean. I love you so much. Seeing you with another girl and having her tell me you two were really close made me mad. I don’t want you to be with anyone else and I don’t want to be with anyone else either.” He was stunned. He just saw her and Jay hugging, and she let him touch her ass. She was obviously lying. She went to go give him another kiss but he stopped her. “Sean what’s wrong?” She asked. “What’s wrong? Oh I will tell you what’s wrong. Emma Nelson lets see here, you went down on Jay and got an STD and I thought you would have learned your lesson but I guess not.” She was confused. “Sean what are you talking about?” “Well lets just say three girls just walked by my locker obviously not noticing me and were talking about how you didn’t stop making out with Jay after I left and then you ditched school with him. Oh and I almost forgot, you went to the ravine. Do you need me to refresh your memory on what the ravine is used for. Well to be more specific, the van.” Emma’s eyes widened. “Sean it’s not what you think. Jay knew I was upset and that I only made out with him because you were there. I didn’t know you left until he stopped kissing me.” “No Emma, just get away from me. You’re a slut. I don’t want anything to do with sluts.” Sean walked away. “Sean stop. I love you. Nothing happened I swear.” He didn’t listen and he didn’t stop walking until he found Jay.

 

“Hey buddy. When did you get back?” Jay said. “Don’t hey buddy me. Jay what the fuck is your problem?” “Whoa Cameron, what’s up?” “I’ll tell you what’s up. You and Emma making out in front of me, you hugging her and then moving your hands down to her ass, oh and I forgot one more thing, you and Emma ditching the rest of school that day to go to the ravine.” Sean was yelling. People started to walk over towards them. They knew there was going to be a fight. Even Emma started walking over to that area. “Sean slow down. I know that make out session didn’t mean anything to her or me. She was upset so I told her we could go somewhere to talk. Nothing happened at the ravine. But why do you care? You broke her heart for the third time. Not to mention you don’t own her.” Before Jay knew what was going on Sean pushed him to the ground and started punching him in the nose and stomach. “Jay she’s mine. Don’t touch her, don’t talk to her, don’t do anything that involves her.” He was screaming to Jay while punching him. Jay wanted to tell him nothing happened but he couldn’t; Sean kept punching him every time he tried to talk. Just then Emma came through the crowd and pushed Sean off of Jay. She bent down to Jay. “Jay are you okay?” “Do I look okay Emma? Sean is fucking nuts.” He said. “I know. He wouldn’t listen when I told him nothing happened.” Then Emma stood up. She walked up to Sean. “Sean what the hell is your problem? I told you nothing happened between me and Jay. He knew I was upset and wanted to talk so he brought me to the ravine.” “It’s Jay. Do you expect me to believe you and him wouldn’t do anything again?” “No Sean I don’t because you never do. But I will tell you something. Every time I try to tell you something and make you listen to me you don’t. That’s your problem. You don’t listen, you don’t care, and you don’t trust anyone. I asked you to meet me outside so we could talk. Really talk, but no you jump to conclusions and go beat up Jay.” She just stared at him. Mr. Raditch came out and told everyone to go inside except for Sean, Emma, and Jay. Sean was in for it now.