Chapter Forty-One

            For the rest of the year I grew closer to Craig, we didn’t have fights as often as we used to but we would have fake fights, you know the ones were you joke around with your friends. Peter got a little nicer, not by much but he did as that’s all I could ask for. Well as I predicted, nothing special happened that last year of high school, except towards the end of the year.

            I walked into Mr. Simpson’s computer room and I found Craig with his hand over his face. I walked over to him and sat down not looking at the screen, “It’s just text.” I said and then I turned my head towards the computer and saw Manny in a porn video! I quickly turned my head around screaming “Oh my god! Why is Manny on there?” I asked pointing toward the screen. “That’s the trouble she got into with Peter.” He said, I quickly turned the screen off without looking. “Why they hell would she do that? To screw up her reputation even more?” I asked, he shrugged his shoulders, “Whatever, Ms. H is looking for someone to perform at graduation and I recommended you and she said since you did such a wonderful job last year, she would be more than happy for you to perform again.” I said smiling, “That’s cool.” He said, “Alright you don’t have to express all your excitement now, you can do it later.” I said sarcastically. “I don’t think I’ll be here, for graduation…” he said trailing off, I sat there stunned for a minute jerking my head back a little. “What’s that suppose to mean?” I asked a little pissed off. “A while back when my guitar was at Jimmy’s, it wasn’t really at Jimmy’s, I sorta went to a record label.” He said hesitating, “Oh my god! Craig that’s great!” I said giving him a hug. “You think? He said patting my arm, “Totally. I mean I could say that I knew the next Kid Elrick!” I said letting go. “Do you know what this means?” I said with a big smile on my face. “That I might have to move California...” he said again trailing off “Yeah, I guess…But you’ll be big and you dream will finally come true!” I said jumping up off from my chair. “I have to go tell everyone!” I said as I started going towards the door, “No! Dani!” he said and he started to speed walk towards me, “You can’t.” he said grabbing my arm and turning me around. “Why not?” I said confused, “I wanna be able to tell them on my own time, and I don’t want you to do it for me.” He said, “Alright fine.” I said and I made my way out the room and again he stopped me. “There’s something you should know.” He said running in front of the door. I rolled my eyes and waited for him to talk. “If I get the record deal, I’m not going to Julliard…” he said trailing off and I could admittedly feel my stomach drop. “Well…Who knows you might not get it, right? I’m happy for you though.” I said with a fake grin as I ran out of the classroom.

            Now answer me this, why would I be so crushed if Craig wasn’t going to Julliard? Is it because I wouldn’t know anyone? Is it because I would be leaving the only person that I could ever talk to behind? This is the thought that kept me up that night, I tried walking and nothing came to me. As I thought of Craig leaving, flashbacks admittedly spilled into my head from us dancing, to use playing with Angie’s Barbie’s, to us fighting, to us laughing, to use getting into food fights, to us staying up late watching movies, I thought of everything me and Craig ever did together, from good to bad, to happy to sad, my whole relationship with Craig just overflowed in my head. And with each memory I would get a tear till the point were I stopped walking, leaned up against a house and fell to the floor, wishing for just once that he could be with me to hold me so I could feel warm again, so I could feel like everything was right with the world, even if it wasn’t true. I wanted Craig to put his arm around me and tell me everything was okay even though I knew better. And as I felt this I realized something, Am I falling for Craig!?!?

            So that is the thought that kept me up all night long, and the rest of the day that’s what I thought about, and him and the stupid record deal. I was happy for him, really I was, it’s just I felt empty knowing he wouldn’t be there. That night as I was doing homework he came in without even knocking. “Hey.” He said, I looked up from my papers to look at him. “Well you’ll be pleased to know I did it! They want me to record a record.” He said smiling and with that smile I grew a smile, I shrieked jumping off the couch and I ran over and gave him a hug. “OH MY GOD! THIS IS WONDERFUL!” I said, “Yeah? I wasn’t sure how’d you take it.”

“Why?”

“Because me and you were planning to go to Julliard and then I went and crushed it.”

“Don’t be silly Craig, I’m happy for. Skip Julliard this is a once and lifetime opportunity.”

“I was thinking, you know over the summer, you could come down to California.”

“I’ll keep that mind, thanks.” I said smiling and heading back to the couch.“Okay well…um there’s something else.”

“Uh huh.”

“My flight leaves the day of prom.” And I froze, I don’t know why I just did, we hadn’t on planned on going to prom together, so far the both of use had no one, but if it was still that way the night of prom we’d go together, so now I had to find a date and I think that was the worst part. “Oh, okay. I’ll be sure to send you pictures.” I said uncomfortably. “Oh, okay, deal. You send me pics and you’ll come down to Cali.” He said starting to leave. “Yeah, good deal.” I said going back to my work. “So I’ll see you tomorrow.” I nodded my head yes and he left and I cried.

            So I’m not quite sure why I cried last night but I did and I got some amazing songs written down in my notebook, some of which I’m really proud of. And lately I’ve found a new love for Lifehouse, except most of the songs make me think about Craig. It kills me to think that I’ve started to fall for him once he decided to leave. Maybe it’s because he’s the only I could go to and knowing that he wouldn’t be here anymore really hurt me. I can’t describe the feelings I have for him write now and I wish I knew because the feelings are driving me crazy. He’s all I think about now lately, it’s Craig this and Craig that and stupid memories fly back into my head when I think of him and some of them make me upset because I think we could never be together again. It’s funny, if I were to go back three years from now I wanted him out of my life and he was never in my head and now I can’t stop thinking about him, this feeling is driving me crazy and I fell like it’s got to stop.

            So that day instead of going home after school I decided to practice for Julliard in the gym. I put on my tight blank pants with my tight black spaghetti strap shirt and I laced my shoes and I danced to this really pretty song I just recently found. And during my dance I was able to express all my emotion with every move, every move I did was interpreted into how I felt. The door opened behind me and throwing me off my balance I feel. I got up brushing my pants of the dirt and looked up and saw my dad, who was on his death bed not a few months back, and I felt trapped, my heart started beating fast and all I wanted to do was get out of there but he was blocking my way out. “Dad?” I said, “I want you home, Dani.” He said, “No.” I said for once and it was easier then I thought. “Please Dani, I miss you.” He said, “No you don’t, you just want someone to fuck every night because Lorraine won’t do it!” I said snapping back, “That’s not true.” He said. “No, you did this to mom and now you’re doing it to me. Don’t think I didn’t know why she committed suicide dad, I could hear her scream every night! I saw her cry every morning! No wonder why she drank, you’re to blame. Not me…” I said trailing off realizing why my mom decided to take her life and realizing for once that it wasn’t my fault, she loved me. “Don’t you dare bring your mom into this!” he said yelling back. “Well I’m not gonna go back home to you just when I can finally breath.”

“You choose to leave me.”

“That house was not healthy! I hated you! I did what I had to do to survive and I’m not gonna apologize to you or to anyone for that matter.” As I yelled at my dad I realized that nothing was my fault.

“You’re lying.”

“Dad, these past few have been the scariest, hardest and the best thing that has ever happened to me, no matter how I got here. I’m not leaving.”

“Yes you are.”

“I have done everything for myself and by myself and now I have to finish it by myself. I have worked so hard these past years, I got into to Julliard, but you were so caught up in yourself that you were to busy to care or to even think of what I was doing. I got to where am by myself and down the road wherever I am, if I’m rich or poor, I’ll be happy because I’ll know that I got there by myself.”

Chapter Forty-Two

            “Can you believe the school year is pretty much over? Our high school education is almost over?” He told me as he passed through the kitchen. “I know it’s weird to think that you might night even see these people again.” I said as I ate a banana. “And we might not think it now, but down the road we’re gonna look back at these years and remember them as our best.” He said getting out a drink from the fridge. “Yeah, I guess so.” I said as I threw out the rest of my banana. “Are there some things you regret?” He asked, “No.” I said as I wiped my hands over the garbage pale, “I’m gonna be late.” I said grabbing my bag and heading out the door. “Okay…Bye…” he said swallowing his drink.

            The rest of the day I took a test after test, SAT’s were just around the corner so we had to prepare. Prom was tomorrow night and I had the best dress picked out, it was blue with one strap and little straps that hung down from the shoulder, it was made out of silk and it fit my body just right so it should my dancer curves and the slit from the ankle to my thigh revealed just enough of my leg to flash the boys and it let the air flow nicely in my dress so I wasn’t dying of heat. The dress fell over my silver shoes with 1 inch heals and as soon as I was ready to wear my dress to prom I pretty much decided I wasn’t going, I mean I didn’t have a date so I wouldn’t be doing anything. I waited for Ms. Hatzilakos to tell me if they needed any assistants before I decided to go or not.

            When I got home Craig was in the garage packing. “What are you doing?” I asked as I put my bag on the bed. “Packing.” He said holding up some of his belongings as he placed it in the bag. “In here?” I asked looking around pointing my finger to the ground. “I had some stuff in the trunk that I wanted.” He said, I nodded my head as I walked closer. “Need help?” I asked, he nodded his head looking around. “Yeah, see that box under the couch? Could you get it for me?” he said pointing towards the couch, I nodded and grabbed the box, “What’s this?” I asked as I started to open it. “Pictures.” He said, “Oh that’s right, you were a photographer. I kinda miss that side of you.” I said as I started to look through to box. “Why? Cuz it was before you and me got into a fight?” He said not looking up from packing. “Maybe…And you were so comb and relaxed…” I said, “Why are there so many pictures of me in here…” I said trailing off. “What?”

“There’s pictures of me…”

”Oh, from grade nine, right?”

“And of this year, not to much of grade 10 but more and more of me in grade 11 and 12.”

“There mostly with friends, don’t get your hopes up Dani.” He said laughing.

”Oh, you caught me.” I said sarcastically. “Hey Craig? Did you ever think about you know, you and me?” I hesitated

“Yeah, before you hit me with the grocery bag.” He said laughing.

“I didn’t hit you!” I said jokingly.

“You get my point, Danielle.”

“Yeah, I guess I do…”

“And when you said nothing happened I figured you don’t like me, I’d back off. Why?”

“Oh just wondering is all. I mean it’s the last year of high school…It’s just one of the thoughts going through my head.”

“Okay.”

“What about us going to Julliard?” I said looking up at him, “Dani, I already told you, I got this record deal. I don’t need Julliard.” He said turning around to face me. “But what if I said I want you to go to Julliard?” I hesitated to say and he completely froze. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve been treating you, with all the fighting and getting mad at you. And the worst part about it is I don’t even know why I’ve been doing it. I’m just - I’m just so messed up all the time.”

“I guess you can say the same for everybody around here, eh?”

“I guess. I told my dad off, I told him that I was gonna spend my time and my life. It felt great.”

“That’s good. You gotta keep her from messin’ with your head, okay?”

“Yeah, like I’ve been messing with yours? You’re always there for me. Any time you thought there was the slightest thing wrong you were there.”

“Well, that’s what friends do.”

“I want us to be more then just friends.” I said and I can’t believe that it just spilled out of my mouth that simply. He started to back away, “You’re the one that backed off from me, remember?” he said, “When have I backed off of you?” I asked confused. “Jimmy’s party, ninth grade, I went to see you and you told me that nothing happened and I automatically assumed that you didn’t want me so I layed low. Grade ten, you came to me hysterical in the middle of the night and I was worried for you and was always thinking about if you were okay, and then you got made at me for cheating on Ash. Grade 11 you came and found me and the shelter and I felt like you really cared for once. And these past few months I’ve been so confused around you lately. I mean you’re always in my head twenty-four-seven, you cloud up my thoughts…” he said yelling back at me a little. I was stunned to hear him say that because I felt the same too. “Well you could’ve said something.” I said, “I tried to be nice and then you and Ash just went and stabbed me in the back.”

“Think before you act, Craig! You didn’t do that!”

“Acting on impulse, I had no one and Manny was the only one that was there.”

“Yeah she was there because she wanted you. She didn’t care how you felt.”

“And you? When have you cared, huh Danielle?”

“I cared! Even though I was pissed off at you, I wanted you to be happy.” I said trailing off as tears came to my eyes.

“I’ve thought about us more than you think and in the end I always realize it’ll never work.”

“You don’t know that…” I said trailing off.

“You’ve never thought that? Danielle we fight over the stupidest things.”

“Yeah but that’s what we do. We fight and then we make up. It’s who we are we can’t stop that.”

“I thought that once too.”

“See I don’t want you gone though. Because in my home life, no one has ever looked at me the way you do. No one has ever touched my face or brush my hair outta my eyes like you. And I don’t know maybe this is really selfish but, it’s not just you I’m gonna miss, It’s the way that I feel when I’m with you that I’m gonna miss even more.” I said with some tears as I started to leave the room. I turned around and then he grabbed my arm and spun me around grabbed my face and kissed me on the lips. “What was that for?” I asked looking up into those hazel eyes once again. “I haven’t had that great of a kiss in such a long time.” He said exhaling. “Me neither.” I said exhaling as well and then he kissed me again this time sliding his tongue into my mouth. As we wrestled tongues he gently placed me on my bed running his fingers through my hair. I placed my arms around his neck and continued to kiss him as he gently brushed my arm. I broke the kiss pushing him up a little “Craig you leave tomorrow.” I said trying to catch my breath. “There was one last thing on my agenda.” He said as he planted another kiss on my lips and I pushed him off again. “But what about before?” I asked confused. “Does it matter? You’re amazing.” He said smiling. “No.” I said as I grabbed his face and pulled it towards mine to kiss him again.

            We made out for about twenty minutes and it was seriously the best twenty minutes of my life. The whole time I felt like I wasn’t there, I felt like I was floating and I felt safe. He began to bring his hand towards down my pants to unbuckle my belt. I pushed his hand away, “Craig…” I said as I looked up into his eyes again, he reached over to my nightstand and pulled out a condom. “You planned this?” I said laughing. “Oh baby I hoped for it.” He said laughing as he planted another kiss on my lips. We continued kissing for a little longer and I began thinking why all of a sudden he wanted to be with me, I was a little confused but I felt great. I felt beauty, wonder and joy all in the same moment I felt like I wasn’t there. I smiled in between kisses because I felt like for once I was living and I was comfortable around him.

            He lightly brushed his hand down my side to unbuckle my belt and when he did I took my hands and placed them under his shirt and pulled it off. We smiled as our lips and tongues meet again. As I placed my hands back around his neck he made his way down my neck and while kissing my neck he placed his hand under my shirt and gently pulled it off. Our skin meet as placed his lips lightly upon mine. I slipped my tongue into his mouth as I brought my hands down to his pants, unzipping them and pulling them off a slight bit. I gently brushed my fingers up his back as he placed his hands down my pants pushing them off and I knew exactly were this was headed and for the first time I felt comfortable with it and safe.

            In a few quick movements we took our underwear off and getting him hard he slipped on the condom. I opened my legs, wrapping them around his waist, he slowly entered sending chilling up into my spin causing me to grind my back so my chest meet his, I let out a moan of enjoyment. Not letting got of the kiss he started to move his hips as mine fallowed our bodies rubbed against one another. He started breathing harder as he speed up, it was as if we were both on fire with the heat. He groaned with pleasure sinking himself deeper into me. Moving in and out, moaning with pleasure it was the ride of a life time.

            I woke up and I felt warm and relaxed even though all of my cloths were off. I again felt beauty and joy and wonder. I turned around with a smile before I realized Craig was gone, gone for good.

Chapter Forty-Three

            I walked into the kitchen with a sloppy pony tail a grey giant t-shirt and my plaid pajama pants. “Craig said you said goodbye last night.” Peter said as he took a bit of the apple. “Yeah…I guess I sorta did…” I said confused, scratching my head. “Aren’t you glad to have that little rat outta your hair?” he asked with a grin, I stopped scratching my head and looked at him. “When’s your flight?” I asked in a monotone voice as I walked over to the fridge. “Not me,” he said laughing. “Craig.” “Oh you know what your right.” I said sarcastically, “Have you ever thought about taking up mind reading professionally?” I asked as I opened my water bottle. He shook his head no, “To bad.” I said as I started to make my way towards the couch. “Aren’t you going to the once and a life time prom?” he said as I threw myself on the couch and started channel surfing. “Are my feet moving?”

“I heard it’s awesome.”

“Then you should go for me.”

“I’ve got a date, with Paige.” He said grinning. “Have fun.” I said in the still same monotone voice. “So you’re not going?” he asked.

“Nope.”

“Then your doing me a favor by sitting here and moping about whatever.” He said and I sat there puzzled for a minute as I tried to figure what exactly he was saying. “You’d like that wouldn’t you?”

“Nothing would bring me more pleasure.”

“As if I’d give you the satisfaction.” I said to him as I passed him in the kitchen.

            I went into my room/garage and got ready for prom. I called up the school and asked if they were looking for any help and they said they needed some at the refreshment stand and I said I’d be there. I got ready, I went and got my hair and nails done and I was ready to go to prom.

            I arrived at prom and the music was bumping loud and people were dancing and smiling and everyone looked like they were having a really good time. I walked over the refreshment stand and served everyone there drinks and made sure no one spiked anything. I got several invitations to dance and I declined everyone. I saw Jimmy look really pissed off as he head into the back. “Um, Marco, could you watch the refreshments? I’m gonna go get some napkins.” I asked him, he nodded and I fallowed to where Jimmy was. I found him holding up a bag of drugs. “Guess I missed the party favors.” I said jokingly. “Wanna go for a ride?” he asked, “Man do I ever, but I don’t.” I said refusing, I was hurt by Craig just leaving by I knew better so I felt like I shouldn’t turn to drugs. “Yeah, I could be busing Mars by now.”

“What happened?”

“I cheated on Hazel with Ellie…and they both found out.” He said as he started to throw his drugs in the sink. “Say goodbye to my external terrestrial travel arrangements.”

“Life sucks.”

“Only during the waking hours.”

“Where’d you pick that up?”

“Craig…” he said as he started to wheel closer.

“Yeah…aren’t you proud of him?” I said and he just nodded. I then bent down and kissed him lightly on the lips. “How’d you know I needed that?” he asked looking up, I shrugged my shoulders and then Coach Armstrong came in and said for us to come out. We looked at one another confused but we fallowed Coach Armstrong anyway.

            Jimmy and I got outside and all the kids were looking up into the sky. I looked up and saw a meter shower. I looked up amazed. But I felt like there was something missing. I looked around and saw everyone with dates who had there arms around one another and for the first time in my life I wanted Craig to be that guy to look up into the sky with me. I started getting a little teary eyed as I remembered everything we did together. I heard someone walk up behind me, I turned around to look and I thought I saw Craig, I quickly turned back around and it was him. My jaw dropped and my eyes were fixed on his. I slowly walked closer as he inched closer, before we were face to face and I could feel my body get nervous and excited at the same time. “Why’d you come back?” I asked him breathless. “Because,” he said and he paused looking all dissolved. “Because I love you.” And for the first time as I looked into those hazel eyes,

I saw the truth.