Chapter One

 

Boom! Mike was on the ground. I gave him some encouragement. "Get up!" I screamed. I hate it when people think there stronger then me. They need to learn better. Mike got up but slanted to the side a little. I waited until he was fully up until I punched his jaw as hard as I could. He fell back but into one of his friends arms. They pushed him up. When he got up he fell on top of me. I don’t want him on me! I pushed him forward and smacked him in the face as hard as I could. He fell down. But this time he didn’t get back up. He is not stronger. Nobody is. I looked around me and saw a bunch of guys standing in shock, and some girls with there hands over there mouth, like somebody died or something. I started walking through the crowd and people made there way out of mine. When I was about to leave the ally way I turned back to see people picking up there cell phones to call somebody.

 

Crap, I started running as fast as I could. I ran as fast as I could. Like somebody was chasing me. I can’t go home now. I kept running until I reached Jay’s house. I knocked on the door. Nobody answered. I pounded on the door again. "Jay! Get up!” Jay answered the door in his glasses. When he saw me he quickly pulled them off. I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw him in them. "Shut up!" He screamed at me. "Sorry man. I need a place to stay for tonight.” "And you thought you come here?" "Exactly.” Jay looked behind him, and then back at me. "Somebody's here. Cant you go to Ellie's or something?" "Ellie lives with me. That’s not going to help." "Then go back to Wassage since you loved it there so much to stay for a whole year." "Stop being a smart ass ok?" I looked inside the house and on the ground I saw a baby blue book bag. "What is Emma's bag doing here?" I said. What the hell? Jay just looked at me and then back down. I gave Jay the meanest look I could ever give. Something raged through me. I’m not even dating her anymore. What the hell. I turned back and started walking back home.

 

Chapter Two

 

Sean and Ellie

I ran into my house and locked the door. Somehow I had the feeling someone was chasing me. I looked in front of me and saw Ellie crying. She was holding the phone. "When are you going stop this Sean?” What the fuck? What does she mean by that? "Stop what?” I screamed angrily. It wasn’t any of her business. "Do you have to beat up everybody?" She started sobbing. I felt this huge hole in my stomach. I never really loved Ellie. I was really lonely and that’s why I asked her to move in with me. It wasn’t because I was madly in love or because I really liked her. I like her of course, but not love. "He jumped me Ellie.” "That still doesn’t give you the right to do something like that Sean!!" She screamed. "Why doesn’t someone jumping me give me the right to beat him up?” "Sean, hurting people isn’t normal." "So I’m crazy now?" "No, no you’re not crazy.” "Whatever Ellie."

 

Emma and Sean

I walked to the door and slowly unlocked it. I opened it and walked out the door. I ran outside and started to take a walk. Hours past and I couldn’t help but notice Emma. She was sitting at Degrassi. It was now around 8:00pm. It was pretty dark outside. But I walked up to her. "How's Jay?" I said snottily to her. "What’s that supposed to mean?" "Congratulations!!! You officially broke my heart Emma." I started to walk away. Emma ran back behind me. "Sean I’m sorry, but you’re dating Ellie." "So, what’s your point? We are through anyway." "You broke up?" "No, we are GOING to break up" "You can’t do that Sean." "Yes I can." "But you would hurt Ellie really bad.” “Emma what’s your point?" As I kept walking Emma followed closely behind. I didn’t realize her looking at me so deeply into my eyes until it was to late. She kissed me. I couldn’t help but kiss back. What was I doing? I had a girlfriend. But I made the kiss go on longer. Emma stopped the kiss and started walking forward. I ran up to her. "What was that for?" I asked shocked. "I don’t know.” "You don’t know?" "No..." "Emma, shouldn’t we talk?" My version of talk was making out of course. I quickly kissed her on the lips and we started "talking.”

 

Chapter Three

 

Sean's POV

In-between breaths she kept saying that we should not be doing this because we both are in a relationship but of course neither of us cared. After a while of "talking" we sat on the steps of Degrassi and looked up at the stars. I don't really remember what happened after that but when I woke up we were still at Degrassi and the only thing different was that there was a crowd of people surrounding us. I quickly woke Emma up and her kind of let out a scream. We knew this day was going to be bad but what would make it even worse was that we had to confront Jay and Ellie about what everyone was saying about what they saw when they arrived at school.

 

Throughout the day we played it cool and kept it on the down low. We tried avoiding each other as much as possible and it worked for a while until MI which we had together. Mr. Simpson assigned us a project to work on for the next week or two and of course Emma and I were paired together. It was so awkward because we both needed to talk about the night before we just didn't know how. MI was over and now it was time for lunch.

 

Ellie and Jay

Ellie was on her way to lunch and then all of a sudden bumped into Jay. "Jay watch where you are going!!" Ellie screamed. "Glad I bumped into you actually." Jay said. "Why Jay?" "Well I am pretty sure you heard what's going around the school right?" "No. What is it?" Ellie asked. "Well  ... this morning a lot of people saw Emma and Sean on the front steps of Degrassi." "So, what is your point Jay? They are friends so I don't see the big deal." "No Ellie, they were on the front steps of Degrassi asleep in each others arms!!" Jay suddenly yelled. Ellie's eyes were quickly filling up with tears but she looked away so Jay would not see her. "Oh" was all Ellie could say. There was an awkward silence for a few seconds then Jay spoke up. "Was Sean with you all last night?" Jay asked in a weird way because he knew the answer was no. It took Ellie a few seconds before she could get herself together and spoke. "Yeah he was with me all last night." she lied. "What about Emma, was she with you?" It took Jay a second to realize that she lied and of course Jay wasn't going to say she wasn't so he quickly said "Emma was with me all last night too." Ellie gave Jay a quick smile and then walked away.

 

Jay’s Thoughts

Damn... I know Emma and Sean had an on and off again thing but he thought it was over. Ever since he left for Wasage everyone thought he wasn't coming back. Emma was devastated but not as much as Ellie. Even though Ellie and Sean stayed together by keeping in touch by the phone, mail, email and whatever else they could think of Ellie had her doubts. I didn't know what Emma was going through but I was there to comfort her. At first we kept it secret because I was dating Alex but then she caught an STD and so did Emma. In time she came to forgive me and we let everyone know we were going out. Then Sean came back and it ruined everything. She didn't want him knowing that they were going out so whenever he was near them, Emma suggested that she and I keep our distance until he was gone. I wasn't too thrilled with this but at least we were together. But now Sean knew about us and of course Emma had to go run after him. I knew she did that last night but I didn't think they would fall asleep on the steps of Degrassi where everyone could see.

 

Emma and Jay

Emma saw Jay and ran up to him. She went to give him a kiss but he turned his head so she kissed his cheek. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Oh I don't know Emma  ... could it be that you are cheating on me?" Jay said angrily. "What are you talking about? I love you Jay and I would never cheat on you!!" Emma said back just as angrily. "Right Emma. That's why everyone is saying that you and Sean -" he was cut off by Emma who screamed to him "Sean  ... so that's what this is about. Just because Sean comes back doesn't mean I am going to go cheat on you with him!! And don't believe everything you hear Jay." "And why is that Greenpeace?" "What did you just call me?" Emma was furious now. "I called you Greenpeace  ... you know that's what I call you when I hate you." Jay's eyes widened when he realized what he just said. Emma's eyes were tearing up and she didn't care. She wanted Jay to see how much he was hurting her. "Hate me? I am the one who should hate you. You think I am cheating on you with Sean!!" "Emma everyone is saying that you and Sean were asleep on the steps of Degrassi real close to each other. So what am I supposed to believe, your word or everyone else’s eyes that saw you two together sleeping?" Emma started crying even more because she knew he was right. "You are right but I am your girlfriend, you should believe me." she said while still crying. "I don't believe you but what I do believe Emma is that you are a slut." He screamed. "What? But Jay me and Sean -" She was cut off by Jay who quickly said, "Yeah Sean, everything is about Sean. I know you two had a crazy past together but I am, I mean I was your boyfriend and you aren't supposed to cheat on me just because Cameron comes back." "Jay, me and Sean are nothing." she said. "No Emma, me and you are nothing. It's over. You cheated on me with my best friend and there is no way I can forgive you or him for that." Jay walked away with his head hung low. He couldn't believe what just happened... Truth is that he could forgive her because he loved her so much.

 

Sean and Ellie

"Sean we need to talk" Ellie said as she walked up to Sean who was sitting on the floor next to his locker. "And about what Ellie?" "Sean I think you know what it is about." she said. "Well then you thought wrong Ellie because I don't know what you are talking about so why don't you tell me." Sean knew what she was talking about but he wasn't about to fight with Ellie about it. "Sean everyone, the whole school knows about you and Emma." She said in a sad tone. "What about me and Emma? I know what everyone is saying about what they saw this morning but it was nothing Ellie." He felt so guilty. "Yeah Sean but -" She was cut off by Sean who sadly said "Ellie our relationship is based on trust and honesty so I am not going to lie to you. After I left the house last night I went to Jay's and he said I couldn't come in. I saw Emma's bag but I didn't say anything. Then I took a really long walk and ended up at Degrassi. That's where I saw Emma. I said a rude remark about her and Jay then she just kissed me. I asked what it was for and she said she didn't know. I told her we needed to talk but we just ended up kissing more. Then we stopped kissing and looked up at the sky. I don’t remember anything after that except waking up and finding a whole bunch of people surrounding us talking. Then I woke up Emma and that was that. Ellie I am so sorry." Sean felt a little better after telling her the truth. "Sorry for what Sean? Breaking my heart or are you sorry because you cheated on me?" She was really angry now. "Ellie I didn't know any of this would happen, but for right now I think we should break up because I need time to think. You can come over after school to get your things. You can probably stay at Ashley's or something." With that said he got up and left Ellie just sitting there thinking over what just happened.

 

Outside Degrassi

Sean was sitting on the steps with his head down. Emma saw him and snuck up behind him covering his eyes with her hands. "Hey" she said. He didn't say anything so she just decided to start talking. "Sean I am really sorry about everything. I don't know what I was thinking when I kissed you. It... It might have been a mistake. I mean -" Sean looked up and cut her off. "Mistake, Emma? Everything that involves me is a mistake to you." Sean was getting worried about what she was going to say next. "No Sean what I was going to say was that it might have been a mistake because there is no more me and Jay and by the looks of it there is no more you and Ellie either." "If I am such a big mistake in your life Emma then maybe  ..." Sean didn't want to say what he was about to so he stopped. “Maybe what Sean, you'll move back to Wasage and make me do this." Emma showed Sean her arm... There weren't nearly as many cuts on her arm as Ellie but it was still bad. "Emma  ... I had no idea you would do something like that." he said in shock. "Yeah Sean you don't know half the stuff I did while you were gone." She said. "And what is that supposed to mean? That because of me leaving you made stupid decisions which you want to blame me on?" Sean was getting angry now and everyone who was left at Degrassi was listening to them fight. "No Sean not at all. None of it is your fault. It is my fault!!" Emma was in tears now and was about to walk away when Sean grabbed her arm. "What are you doing?" He just starred at her with tears falling from her eyes. Then she walked away.

 

Chapter Four

 

Emma and Jay

Emma walked over to Jay who was at his locker with his headphones around his neck. "Jay, here, it’s yours.” She handed him a CD. "I gave that to you though, for our anniversary" He said, confused as to why she gave it back. "I know, but since we are broken up I thought you might want it back, since you like this kind of music more then I do." "You know this whole CD by heart Emma...” "What happened to Greenpeace?" "Greenpeace has left...for the time being anyway." Jay looked like he was sad. Like he wanted to drop down and start balling. So did Emma. "Jay I’m sorry-" "I know. It’s ok. I’m sorry too." "For what though?" Jay tried to talk but nothing would come out. Except some tears that slid down his cheeks. Emma grabbed him and hugged him as hard as she could and he hugged her back with all his might. He was sobbing in her shoulder and saying how sorry he was, and how much he missed her. He stopped hugging her and wiped his tears off. He looked at her and smiled. "So Emma, are we back together?" "Yes." He put his arms around her neck and kissed her.

Ellie and Sean

Ellie was at the house packing up her stuff. "So I guess that’s it, are you sure you don’t need any help getting your things to the car?" "Yeah I’m sure.” Ellie opened the door and Sean shut it before she could get out. "Ellie, why do people start cutting?" He said quickly. "What?" "I’m curious. So, is it because of other people or because of themselves?" "Um, if you’re worried I’m going to start again I’m not, so don’t get all worried." "I know you won’t. I was just wondering." "Well...I don’t know why you want to know, but it’s normally not their fault. It’s normally somebody else’s.” “Sometimes it can even be somebody who hurt them."

Sean and Emma

Sean walked up to Emma while she was in the library. "Hey." "Hi." "So...can we talk?" "I don’t really have anything to say to you Sean.” Sean sees Emma pull down her sleeves. He grabs her arm and pulls up her sleeves and he sees all these cuts on her arms, more then he saw the other day. He even saw a bunch of burns too. "What the hell Sean?" She got up and pulled down her sleeves. She picked up her book and ran down the hallway. Sean ran after her. "Emma, let me do something please. Let me get you help or something." "I don’t need any help Sean, especially not from you!!" "Emma... at least let me be here for you. Let me be that someone you can talk too." "I told you I don’t need any help!” She opened the door and started walking outside. "Emma, can I see your arms again?" "You already saw them!" "Please... Emma let me help" "You make me sound like a crazy person!” "Emma you’re not crazy." "I know I’m not crazy." "Please show me your arms...” Emma started to cry a little. But she put out her arms and showed Sean. There were a total of thirty two new cuts on her left arm, and forty one on her right arm. But there were eight old ones on each one arm as well. There were seven DEEP burns on her right, and ten pretty deep burns on her left arm. Emma started crying and so did Sean. Sean hugged her as hard as he could. "Emma, come on. Let’s go somewhere.” He took her arms and rolled back up her sleeves. He walked and put his arm around her shoulders. They walked down to the park and sat on the bench. "So… are you going to let me help?" Sean said. He said it because Emma seemed more comfortable. "How can you help?" "Well why don’t you start by telling me when you started cutting?" "A few days after you left I think." "Why did you start?" "I didn’t want you to leave. And then it didn’t help because everyone wouldn’t shut up about you at school." Sean started laughing. "What’s so funny?" "You’re so nice. (Mimicking Emma) no one would shut up about you at school." Emma smiled and playfully pushed Sean. "Shut up!” "Sorry… so when did you start burning?" "Sean this is so boring. Can we please talk about something else?" "Like what?" "I don’t know...how are you and Ellie?" "She moved out this morning." "Oh...I’m sorry." "No it’s okay. Not your fault.” "Yes it is." "No it’s not but anyways, how are you and Jay?" "We are okay." "Oh." "Yeah.” Emma and Sean walked back up the hill holding hands and went home.

Sean
Sean walked into class and saw Snake looking at him really hard. Sean got up and walked up to him. "Is there something I can help you with ser?" He didn’t say it in a mean way. But he meant it. Snake walked up and took Sean into the hallway. "Sean, are you and Emma friends again?" "Yah… we are good. Why?" "She's in the hospital.” "What? What happened? Will she be okay?" "We don’t know. Did you know about her cutting problem?" "No I didn’t." "She also burned herself." "I didn’t know Mr. Simpson." "She doesn’t look to good. She accidentally slit her wrists and then she burned her cut shut. So it didn’t really help" "Oh my god. Is she going to be okay?" "I’m not so sure. She lost a lot of blood.

 

 

Chapter Five

 

Sean's Thoughts

 Oh man what have I done now? It’s my fault. If I didn't leave her or anyone for that matter for Wasaga then none of this would have happened. I mean Emma wouldn't have gotten close with Jay and she wouldn't have cut or burnt herself. Ellie and I might still be together. But the worst thing of all, something I have to live with for the rest of my life if Emma doesn't make it is that I did know about her cutting and burning. I could have done something to stop it. Telling Mr. Simpson or anyone would have helped. Emma hating him again would be better than seeing her lying in a hospital bed looking lifeless.

 

Conversation

 "Jay wait up." Sean said. "I heard about Emma, man I am so sorry." "For what Cameron?" Jay didn't like how Sean said what he said; it made it sound like he knew something Jay didn't. And of course Jay didn't know about Emma's cutting or burning because she always worse long sleeve shirts or sweatshirts when he saw her. Sean stood there for a moment before he started to say something but then Jay cut him off. "Cameron tell me why you are sorry." Jay seemed pissed now. "Well Jay I went to talk to Emma yesterday and I noticed her tugging at her shirt. She kept pulling her sleeves down and I wondered why she kept doing it. Then we fought a little about what she could be hiding. After that she showed me her arms and she had so many cuts and burn marks, more than Ellie has ever had in her life. By this time she was crying and I asked her why she cut and burnt herself. She said it was because of me leaving and how everyone at school wouldn't shut up talking about me to her. Now she is in the hospital. See it's." Sean took a long pause but before he could say anything Jay started saying something.” What!? She is in the hospital?! We are going to see her now Cameron." Jay snapped. He couldn't believe Emma his Emma was in the hospital, but what he couldn’t believe the most was that it was partly because of Sean.

 

Car Ride to the Hospital

 It was silent for a few minutes then Jay spoke up. "I knew something was up. She would always come over wearing long sleeve shirts even when it was warm out. And whenever I tried talking to her about you right after you left she would just start crying. I didn't think much of it at the time but now I know why she cried. Cameron as much as this is going to hurt me for saying this I think she still deep down has feelings for you. Those feelings obviously are stronger than anything she has ever felt before because I don't know anyone who would just start doing what she did because their ex boyfriend left." Jay couldn't believe he just said that and it did hurt him but he knew it was true. "Jay, Emma doesn't still have feelings for me; at least I don't think she does. I think it's just because of everything we have been through together. We have known each other for like four years and have been through so much. And when Rick pointed the gun at her I just lost it. All the things we had been through flashed right before my eyes. I couldn't help but think about how much more my life would have been messed up if I lost Emma. For some reason I just knew me and her would be together again." Sean felt kind of guilty for saying that he thought they would be together but it was what he felt and truth is that he still has feelings for Emma. "Oh." Right there was when Jay finally realized that he could never replace Sean. No one could because he was her first love and first loves never die. Everything they had been through only made them stronger even if they went their separate ways for a while and enjoyed getting revenge on one another. "Jay I'm sorry." "No man, don't be. What you said makes sense. I mean I knew I would never be able to replace you but a part of me thought I could. When you were with Emma she was so happy and it was like nothing could bring her down. When you choose me and my crew over her I could see how devastated she was. I thought that when you left I could try to make her happy again like when I saw you and her together but it wasn't like that at all." The rest of the car ride was silent except for a few occasional cars beeping at one another. They were both thinking of everything that was just said.

 

Jay's Thoughts

 Emma is a strong girl and I know she will make it through this but after she does I think I might break it off with her. I mean I love her and I don't want to let her go but it is clear to me that she and Sean are meant to be. After all he risked his own life for hers and at the beach in Wasaga she was the first person he saw when he was pulled out of the water. After the whole Rick incident I think they both realized that life doesn't last forever and it's not right to spend it hating each other. Once we got back to Degrassi I think Emma realized that she still had feelings for him but since he was miles away and was with Ellie she figured the closest she was going to get to him was me. That's why she kept coming to the ravine. Oh well it doesn't matter if she saw Sean in me. I mean don't get me wrong I love Emma but I knew something was wrong. I was ten times worse than Sean but she still came to me.

 

Sean's Thoughts

 Now I feel terrible. Jay thinks that Emma still likes me and he probably thinks he has to break up with her so she will be happy and not do this again. I do want to be with Emma but not this way. I can tell that what Jay said is breaking his heart. You see a guy like him and think he doesn't have a heart because all he cares about is some form of sex, drinking, and partying but even Jay Hogart can surprise you. I am not sure about anything right now. I mean if I am not with Emma she might do this again. Actually chances are she will but it will be much worse but then there is Jay. I can't break my best friend's heart even if he took the one true thing I care about away from me. Aw man, why does this have to be so hard?